My local nail salon is like a Turkish bazaar; people speak different languages, laughter, and loud voices surrounded by blaring music and bright lights. Nail polish bottles, Post-it notes, glossy posters, and banners with price lists of various nail services cover all available wall space. It’s a great place for an early morning wake-up call and a gel manicure. Within moments of entering the salon, a man wearing a white mask rushed up and pushed me into the nearest vinyl chair. A tiny lady with a pink apron approached and said, “Do you want a mani-pedi?” “Ummm…I want a gel manicure,” I said picking at a fingernail. “Go pick a color,” she said and thrusted me towards an endless … [Read more...]
Archives for April 2013
6 Signs You’re Middle-Aged
April 18, 2013 By 15 Comments
Middle-age creeps up on you as fast as diarrhea spreads on a cruise ship. I wanted to deny the signs but you can’t ignore the math. If you multiply your age by two and the answer’s greater than 90, you’re middle-aged. Here are the 6 signs you're middle-aged: Do Not Recognize Celebrities I can only recognize 20% of the celebrities in People Magazine, television, and the Internet. Instead, the stars of my youth are on the cover of AARP Magazine like David Cassidy, Harrison Ford, Dennis Quaid and Valerie Bertinelli. Yeash, they look bad! Lose Glasses Looking for my reading glasses is an hourly occurrence. It’s a perpetual game of hide and seek that I keep winning because one pair is … [Read more...]
Funny Fortune Cookies You Must Read
April 11, 2013 By 8 Comments
Really? Do you enjoy that dry, tasteless fortune cookie after Chinese take-out or do you just want to read the free fortune and lucky numbers? This week I had a chance to create two bags of custom fortune cookies. I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to collect some of the funniest and share them with you. Funny Fortune Cookies You seek to find meaning from a little slip of paper inside a cookie. You are gullible. The fortune you seek is in another cookie. Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery. Confucius say: The road to riches is paved with homework. That wasn’t chicken. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the … [Read more...]
April Fool’s Prank Amateurs Need Not Apply
April 4, 2013 By 9 Comments
One thing I know for certain, the key to a successful April Fool's prank involves knowing your victims’ routine. Amateurs need not apply. Our friend, Scott, told my husband and me that his wife hit a deer on a country back road driving home from the work. We quizzed him for all the details in order to set the trap. Then we asked him to make sure Casey answered the phone the next day. “Mrs. S, this is Officer Smedley with the Fulton County Police,” said my husband over the telephone in his best impersonation of a southern accent. “I understand you hit a deer yesterday on U.S. Route 19 around 7:00 p.m.” “Um, yes,” said Casey, clearing her throat. She sounds as nervous as a pig … [Read more...]
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