What's 'shelter in place'? Around 1:00 pm on March 16, 2020, a ‘shelter in place’ order broadcasted across seven Bay Area counties, SantaClara, Contra Costa, San Francisco, San Mateo, Alameda, Marin, and Santa Cruz. For a moment, I couldn’t process what was happening. What’s this? Quarantine? I needed to hear more. We were required to stay at home, the announcement blared across the television. Stop moving around. Until April 7. That’s 552 hours. The Mercury Newspaper put it in simple, straightforward language. Please read this Order carefully. Violation of or failure to comply with this Order is a misdemeanor punishable by fine, imprisonment, or both. (California Health and … [Read more...]
Reasons I Hate Marie Kondo and You Should Too
February 10, 2019 By 5 Comments
By now, you’ve heard of Marie Kondo and her decluttering techniques. She’s perfected the art of tidying up and I hate her. She’s everywhere, bookstores, television, YouTube, Instagram, touting her own version of tidying up, which focuses on thanking your trash before you throw it away. What?!? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZfn_O4BiJ4 She’s forced Americans to rethink everything we’ve ever thought about clutter. But don’t let her charming personality fool you one bit. Behind that happy, smiley face, I sense a smug attitude. She’s out to make you feel like crap about your lifestyle. Marie Kondo, you think you’ve figured out how to bring Americans joy? Think … [Read more...]
When Church People Knock
March 19, 2018 By 12 Comments
When you’re first married, on a typical weekend, you sleep until 10 a.m., wake up, make coffee, and go back to sleep. Imagine my surprise when my husband violated our ritual and decided to answer the door. When it comes to the doorbell, my husband’s like Pavlov’s dog. He can’t stand to ignore it. Ding dong. “Leave it,” I said, patting my hair. “They’ll go away. Besides, I’m not decent.” He rushed to the door, slid to a stop in stocking feet, and pulled it open, bare chest and all. Did you NOT hear a single word I said? Let me be more clear. If you answer the door, hell will rain down on you. I peeked around the corner, my slovenly appearance blocked by his body. Two unknown … [Read more...]
My Life’s Been Outsourced – Things I Can’t Do After 50
February 6, 2018 By 6 Comments
Over time, I realized things were changing, like my waistline and sleep cycle. In college, I could devour all the junk food I craved and then hangout with friends at a party until 4:00 am. No longer. Barely able to keep my eyes opened past ten, I take a Tums and call it a night. I contemplated my situation and realized that my life’s been outsourced. There’s a lot of things I can’t do after 50. Here’s my list in no particular order. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_PQoEABHlA See - Outsourced Somewhere between the ages 40 – 45, I lost the ability to see. Oh sure, I can see things in the distance, like a traffic light or a mother pushing her baby with a stroller, but it’s the close up … [Read more...]
More People You Hate on Facebook
November 4, 2016 By 6 Comments
Who are the people you hate on Facebook? Do they brag about their Pinterest conquests? Rally behind their favorite politician? Can’t stop talking about numero uno? Does this sound like you? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Rcv8EQdh8A Most definitions below are from Urban Dictionary. What’s Urban Dictionary? According to Wikipedia, originally, Urban Dictionary was intended as a dictionary of slang, or cultural words or phrases, not typically found in standard dictionaries, but it is now used to define any word or phrase. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_Dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com Over Doer: People You Hate on Facebook Definition: The over doer is one who … [Read more...]
I Will Pimp Out My Vote At the Presidential Election
October 10, 2016 By 4 Comments
Listen up Hillary Clinton. And you too Donald Trump. Let me be perfectly clear. I’m not ashamed to admit, I will pimp out my vote at the presidential election. I realize that federal spending is out of control, jobs and economy are a major concern, national security, immigration and health care are big issues but what about the little things? To get my vote at the presidential election, you need to do something for me, Mr. or Mrs. Future President. Read on. Free Back Waxing Offer free waxing for men with excessive back hair. The government should pick up the tab. A law would prohibit men from exposing “back, shoulders, chest, ear or other body parts with an inordinate amount of hair.” … [Read more...]
5 Types of People You Hate on Facebook
September 25, 2016 By 2 Comments
There are over 5 types of people you hate on Facebook. You know the type. From the lurker to the social justice warrior, people use Facebook for different reasons. Which one are you? Most definitions are found on Urban Dictionary. What's Urban Dictionary? According to Wikipedia, originally, Urban Dictionary was intended as a dictionary of slang, or cultural words or phrases, not typically found in standard dictionaries. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_Dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com https://youtu.be/XeAvviC44OY Lurker: People You Hate on Facebook Definition: A lurker is someone that follows the forum but doesn’t post. – Urban Dictionary Lurkers … [Read more...]
Why Blue Apron Stressed Me Out
September 1, 2016 By 18 Comments
This is what I know: my mother has a big heart, a great sense of humor and returns every single present she has ever received by rationalizing it’s too expensive, too extravagant or just too. But for the first time, I believed I found the perfect gift for my mom, one she would be hard pressed to return, free meals. Is it possible Blue Apron stressed me out? Sending Blue Apron to Mom I sent my mom Blue Apron, a popular meal kit delivery services. For several months, my husband and I used this delivery service with fantastic results. It provided fresh pre-portioned ingredients to your doorstep with the spices necessary to prepare homemade quality meals in 25 minutes or less. What’s not to … [Read more...]
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