“What took you so long in the ladies' room? Anchorman 2 is about to start,” said my husband, flagging me towards theater five. Oh, he wants to know what took me so long? Can he handle the truth? “I’ll be right back. Gonna use the powder room. Wait here,” I said to my husband. I paused outside the bathroom door. Twenty women lined up like soldiers, purses holstered, feet tapping out an impatient beat. Memo to self, go before you leave home. Gals Go in Pairs For men who haven’t been paying attention, lines snake out the restroom, around the corner of the building, past the exit and through the parking lot. Gals go in pairs to have someone to wait it out with, like standing in line for … [Read more...]
Is There Life After Orthotics?
November 11, 2013 By Leave a Comment
In my forties, I could finally afford to purchase the expensive footwear I had always envied: classic Dior black pumps, Coach tennis shoes and jeweled strappy sandals. But nowadays, comfort overrules my desire to be a fashion plate and one pair of low-heeled pumps, white sneakers and flats gets me from church to the gym. Recently, when it was time to replace my favorite footwear, I called on Sandra, my shopping buddy. “Wanna go to the mall?” “Sure,” she said. “See you in fifteen.” Sandra waved me over as I entered Mega Mall and grabbed me in an embrace. Staring down at my worn out tennis shoes with scuffed soles and frayed laces, she said, “Finally decided to break down and invest … [Read more...]
Who Cares What It Costs? It’s Good for the Environment!
October 30, 2013 By 10 Comments
Seems like these days you can get by with doing anything just by saying, “It’s good for the environment!” Go ahead! Eat it! Drive it! Wear it! As long as it’s good for the environment, you can afford to be wasteful. 1. It’s Organic! Don’t worry if you need a second mortgage to shop at Whole Foods. It must be worth it since it’s organic. Don’t bother bringing your own shopping bags. All the food will fit in the tiny, plastic bag still offered for free in the produce section. Your family of four can eat for $89.99 per day, a bargain. Go ahead and spend your whole paycheck! It's good for the … [Read more...]
Does Size Really Matter?
October 7, 2013 By 1 Comment
Does Size Really Matter? Did you ever notice that the number of years you’ve been married determines the size of your mattress? When my husband and I were newlyweds, we slept on a double bed, kissing and hugging the night away, wrapped in marital bliss. Over time I realized a double bed was a colossal mistake, like sleeping in a crib with a hairy gorrila. Buy a King After ten years, we progressed to a queen and then a California king, the mother of all beds. With the extra inches we thought we’d have more room to stretch and stake out personal space. “This bed is amazing,” said my hubby. “Can’t believe it took us so long to move up.” “I’ll finally get some rest,” I … [Read more...]
3 Ways to Wedding By Planes, Trains & Automobiles
September 17, 2013 By 2 Comments
This article was contributed by Guest Blogger, Annette Langer. Planes My sister was getting married again, and I couldn’t wait to attend her wedding across country. My flight was delayed considerably, but we finally took off, and soon the flight attendant came by with the drink cart. I reached for the cranberry juice I’d ordered, our hands collided, and the overfull glass landed in my lap. After not so much as an apology, she offered me the nearby first class restroom to "tidy up," she said. (It was a shorter distance than leaving a cranberry trail all the way to the rear lavatory.) She handed me a towel to sit on, but since the middle seat was vacant, I convinced her to switch that … [Read more...]
What to Expect When You Own a Hamster
August 29, 2013 By 9 Comments
When my kids were younger they begged for a hamster. For Easter we surprised them with a brown longhaired teddy bear hamster, the perfect gateway pet. We purchased all the essentials; modular habitat complete with tree house, tunnels and a wheel ($40.89), exercise ball ($23.98), and chew toys ($3.99). Our kids (sort of) played with Chubby Cheeks for about three months and then ignored him. But the real nail in the coffin, the hamster grew a tumor. Not just any tumor but one that oozed, a pus-filled weeping red disgusting tumor. "The Hamster Problem" Soon the hamster was living in the laundry room. Since I washed all the clothes, it became my task to feed and care for him. But after … [Read more...]
8 Things You Must Do If You Want A Sleepover At Your Place
August 26, 2013 By 3 Comments
If I'm having a sleepover at a friend's house or staying at a relative's place, I expect a few basic necessities. It's got to be worth the $59 savings at Motel 8 or I'll just crash there and risk bed bugs. Here are my 8 Things You Must Do If You Want A Sleepover At Your Place: Sleepover Rules You must own a real mattress for guests. Not a futon, beanbag chair, lawn chair or sleeping bag. Your computer needs to be circa 2010. Internet connection must be in working order. You need to guarantee me that you know the password. I expect the printer to have more than one sheet of WHITE paper. You do not own a cat. Not that I have anything against a cat. I do not want cat hair on my … [Read more...]
AVAILABLE NOW!
Top 10 Weirdest Spam Comments
If you have a blog, you get weird spam comments. It’s similar to spam in your email inbox. Luckily, these spam comments get shuffled away in a spam folder separate from regular comments. To date, I've received 1,669 spam comments. I wanted to share my weirdest and wackiest spam comments with you. Top 10 Weirdest Spam Comments Ikut menikmati berharganya pembelajaran dari kain songket indahnya Jeng Dani. Matur suksma mbok Quite great written article. It will be supportive to anyone who makes use of it, which includes me. Preserve performing what you are performing a?? cana?? 私たちの知っているガイドと呼ばれるポイントはイタリア—についてや思いやりのある国から開始されました。我々 は何とか野菜スラブ上の飛行によって、アクロポ Hello I like your blog. Would … [Read more...]