As the refrain from “The Twelve Days of Christmas” echoes through my head, I wander the mall avoiding eye contact with kiosk employees. And I ask myself, "What am I doing at the mall just days before Christmas? The most chaotic time of the year? It's a kiosk Christmas! God help me!!" Twelve Days of Christmas On the sixth day of Christmas, the mall gave to me, six angry sales teams, five new languages, four aroma pillows, three tubs of sea salt, two hair straighteners, and a partridge in a pear tree. The kiosk guys eye me like a polar bear on a hunk of meat. Who hasn’t been stopped midstream by perky cell phone employees begging, “try our service” or “switch today”? Who hasn’t had … [Read more...]
Is Flipping the Bird a Holiday Tradition?
December 8, 2014 By 6 Comments
My guest blogger for December is Elizabeth Flora Ross. Her stories are relatable, sweet and humorous to boot. We both grew up in St. Louis and have that Midwest vibe going on. This gal has a passion for writing that rings true. She writes about her own experiences as a way of connecting with and inspiring others. Plus, she's received critical acclaim and recognition from National Geographic. Her pictures are beyond amazing (see the holiday lights picture below). Today I am thrilled to share her holiday story with you! A Different Kind of Holiday Bird by Elizabeth Flora Ross My parents were married 53 years. They went through lots of good times, and plenty of not-so-good. Through it … [Read more...]
Get Me Out of Here! Mom Skips Thanksgiving
November 21, 2014 By 4 Comments
Happy Thanksgiving! By now, like Sleeping Beauty, my family is waking from a deep slumber, wiping the crust from their eyes as they stumble into the kitchen in search of coffee. I bet it’s about 10:00 a.m. and they’re starting to wonder, “Where’s Mom?” Well, surprise, I have three words, “At the movies.” I've decided to skip Thanksgiving. Getting My Movie On I’m exhausted by the thought of another Thanksgiving Day, spent in the scullery, sweating it out like Bikram Yoga. Enough with hot ovens, boiling pots and disgusting turkey giblets already. I’m Getting My Movie On, sitting in a comfy chair, hogging a whole box of popcorn and a large Diet Coke. Ha ha! Time Off Now don’t get me wrong, … [Read more...]
What Women Really Want for Mother’s Day
May 8, 2014 By Leave a Comment
Mother’s Day was always big bust and I was too exhausted to endure it again. This year I came up with a brilliant idea. Two days before the big event, I prepared my answer to the question, “What do you want for Mother’s Day?” “Nothing,” I said. “Come on, we have to get you something. What do you want?” “Nothing. I want a day filled with nothing. No fighting. No laundry. No cooking. No TV,” I said. “You’re just saying that. You’d be mad if we don’t get you a gift.” “Nope. This is what I really want.” “No way. That’s too hard. Just let us get you a gift.” I stood my ground and reminded my family that I had been asking for nothing for years. I have suffered … [Read more...]
April Fool’s Day Ain’t For Amateurs
March 27, 2014 By 1 Comment
One thing I know for certain, the key to a successful April Fool’s Day prank involves knowing your victims’ routine. Amateurs need not apply. Our friend, Scott, told my husband and me that his wife hit a deer on a country back road driving home from the work. We quizzed him for all the details in order to set the trap. Then we asked him to make sure Casey answered the phone the next day. The Prank “Mrs. S, this is Officer Smedley with the Fulton County Police,” said my husband over the telephone in his best impersonation of a southern accent. “I understand you hit a deer yesterday on U.S. Route 19 around 7:00 p.m.” “Um, yes,” said Casey, clearing her throat. She sounds as … [Read more...]
I Want Sister Wives for Valentine’s Day
February 12, 2014 By 7 Comments
Sister Wives for Valentine's Day What do I want for Valentine’s Day? Sister Wives! If you’re like me, you need Sister Wives to help out around the house, relieve stress, do the shopping. I’m a big fan of Sister Wives, a reality show in its fourth season on TLC. It snuck up and shocked viewers despite the lack of bad language, sex and fighting. It’s about the Brown Family, Kody and his four wives: Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn. They’re Fundamentalist Mormons: one husband, four wives and 17 children living in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Brown’s are fascinating http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/sister-wives/photos/brown-family-pictures.htm After watching for a year, I realized the perfect gift … [Read more...]
Dear Santa Love Mom
December 24, 2013 By 4 Comments
Dear Santa, I’ve been a good mother and wife this year. I have processed more laundry than Hop Sing Laundromat and prepared more dishes than the Cheesecake Factory. I’ve watched 69 episodes of Duck Dynasty, blended 200 smoothies, ran 2,998 errands and schlepped a basketball team to 29 tournaments. I have only a few tiny requests. Very teeny requests actually. Let me explain. Do you mind asking my son to check his jean pockets before putting them in the dryer? Found to date: one dried garter snake, 15 lbs. of shredded paper and seven packs of gum. Could you send the refrigerator repairman a decent pair of pants? I was subjected to hairy butt crack on nine separate occasions. That's … [Read more...]
Teens Release Christmas CD to Help Red Rhino Orphanage
December 20, 2013 By Leave a Comment
Every once in a while you hear a feel-good Christmas story and if you’re lucky, it’s about someone you know. I’m proud to introduce you to two sixteen-year-olds, Ryan Knop and Brock Gustafson, friends that are inspiring others to do the right thing. At Foothill High School, Ryan and Brock are spreading holiday cheer and raising awareness for The Red Rhino Orphanage Project by selling Christmas CDs. Together they wrote and produced the album, “A Ryan Knop Christmas.” The album has over 11 songs, featuring Ryan singing with Audrey Francisco, Elliot Momand, and JP Pasteur. This is their second Christmas album. After last year’s success, they decided to donate the profits to an … [Read more...]
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