In honor of Father’s Day, I wanted to share bits of advice my father’s offered to me for fifty years, occasionally on deaf ears. I call it Life Lessons Learned from Dad. He’s always been my biggest supporter and his love never waivers. His lessons helped me become the woman I am today. I’ve found myself passing these lessons on to my husband, friends and especially my children. Today I share it with you. 11 Life Lessons Learned From Dad Work for free Dad claimed that the best job he ever had was the one he worked for free. He sold tools most of his life. One day, he approached a customer about selling his tools at his store. The man appeared frazzled as he was moving … [Read more...]
8 Ways Being a Woman Sucks (Listen Up Caitlyn Jenner)
June 5, 2015 By 8 Comments
Big news across the blogosphere this week, Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn Jenner. Does she have any idea that being a woman sucks? It’s a man’s world! Here’s my list of things Caitlyn Jenner has to look forward to now that she’s a woman. 8 Ways Being a Woman Sucks Belly Fat Losing weight after 50 is as impossible as wearing 6” stilettos without falling down. Did you know that women only need 1,300 calories daily after menopause to maintain their average weight? Hell, Cheesecake Factory’s fettuccini with chicken and sun-dried tomatoes has 1,390 calories. And that’s the lunch portion. There, you’re done eating for the day. Swallow that with a glass of water! And you’ll never lose … [Read more...]
Top 10 Reasons Not to Swim in the Public Pool and Other Things Lifeguards Won’t Tell You
May 27, 2015 By 12 Comments
Warning! Before getting into the pool this summer, you must check out my Top 10 Reasons Not to Swim in the Public Pool and Other Things Lifeguards Won’t Tell You. As the weather heats up, neighborhood public pools beckon us to leave the comfort of our homes and venture outdoor to take a cool dip. Swimming in the public pool may be considered one of America’s favorite pastimes, but for me, no thanks. My Top 10 Reasons Not to Swim in the Public Pool will give you the extra ammunition you need when kids ask, “Can we go to the public pool?” Cold Sores Someone swimming near you always has an oozing, crusty cold sore. Or scabs on their arms. Heed all warning signs and head for the nearest … [Read more...]
What Does Mom Really Want For Mother’s Day – Nothing
May 6, 2015 By Leave a Comment
Mother’s Day was always big bust and I was too exhausted to endure it again. This year I came up with a brilliant idea. Two days before the big event, I prepared my answer to the question, “What do you want for Mother’s Day?” “Nothing,” I said. “Come on, we have to get you something. What do you want?” “Nothing. I want a day filled with nothing. No fighting. No laundry. No cooking. No TV,” I said. “You’re just saying that. You’d be mad if we don’t get you a gift.” “Nope. This is what I really want.” “No way. That’s too hard. Just let us get you a gift.” I Want Nothing for Mother's Day I stood my ground and reminded my family that I had been asking for nothing for … [Read more...]
Graduation Advice for My Daughter
April 29, 2015 By 4 Comments
Teachers, valedictorians and school administrators spoke at your high school graduation and offered advice like go to college, get a job, work hard, pursue your dreams, and travel. This is great for most graduates but just the tip of the iceberg. Since they did not ask me to speak at commencement, now I offer graduation advice for my daughter. It includes the little stuff that people often forget to mention that makes life meaningful. Dear Daughter, Congratulations! Today you have achieved a major milestone, graduation from high school. You’re moving onto a new chapter in your life, one filled with great adventure and the unknown. At times you may be scared and question all that you know … [Read more...]
Make ‘Em Laugh At Open Mic
April 14, 2015 By 2 Comments
I jumped at the chance to make 'em laugh at Open Mic at the Pleasanton Firehouse Arts Center on April 8. It was an opportunity to share my favorite form of prose, humor writing. Even though I may not win any awards for writing, I bet I can make you laugh out loud. Laughter is part of sharing the human experience. My Problems Are Like Yours When I share my work, people laugh and can relate. That’s because my problems are like yours. Does your husband need to be reminded each week to take out the trash? So does mine. Do your kids complain about everything from the way you drive to your fashion sense? Mine too. See what I mean? You’re just like me except I write about it, much to the chagrin … [Read more...]
14 Ways Guys Are Like Twitter
March 23, 2015 By 6 Comments
The men in our life can be funny, moody, straight shooters, and have the ability to get to the heart of a problem. Small talk? Not my guys! On social media, there’s one place they feel at home…Twitter. Do you know the 14 Ways Guys Are Like Twitter? 14 Ways Guys Are Like Twitter They only speak in 140 characters or less. THEY ARE LOUD AND TALK IN ALL CAPS. If they don’t like what someone says, they don’t reply. Spelling doesn’t matter….to them. Snark and attitude reign supreme. Random people may jump into their conversation. It’s not necessary to understand everything they say. Lurking around is permitted. They don’t need permission to voice their opinion. Both … [Read more...]
Mick Jagger Keeps Me Up at Night and Other Dreams
March 6, 2015 By 4 Comments
“Why’d you send me email at midnight with a link to 1,000 Ways to Clean Lint Out of the Dryer?” said my best friend, Jackie. “Can we talk? It was a long night,” I said, going on and on about my insomnia, sparing no details. You asked for it, babe. Can't Sleep “I couldn’t sleep. Nothing went right over the weekend. Lost car keys. Broken garage door. Fight with husband. Argument over homework with the kids,” I complained. “I just wanted to snuggle in bed and forget about the day, catch some serious shut-eye. But nooooooo.” “I know how you feel,” she said with a sigh. “Some days it’s impossible to clear your mind and go back to bed.” Mattress Lumpy and Other Complaints My night … [Read more...]
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