As the refrain from “The Twelve Days of Christmas” echoes through my head, I wander the mall avoiding eye contact with kiosk employees. And I ask myself, "What am I doing at the mall just days before Christmas? The most chaotic time of the year? It's a kiosk Christmas! God help me!!" Twelve Days of Christmas On the sixth day of Christmas, the mall gave to me, six angry sales teams, five new languages, four aroma pillows, three tubs of sea salt, two hair straighteners, and a partridge in a pear tree. The kiosk guys eye me like a polar bear on a hunk of meat. Who hasn’t been stopped midstream by perky cell phone employees begging, “try our service” or “switch today”? Who hasn’t had … [Read more...]
Is Flipping the Bird a Holiday Tradition?
December 8, 2014 By 6 Comments
My guest blogger for December is Elizabeth Flora Ross. Her stories are relatable, sweet and humorous to boot. We both grew up in St. Louis and have that Midwest vibe going on. This gal has a passion for writing that rings true. She writes about her own experiences as a way of connecting with and inspiring others. Plus, she's received critical acclaim and recognition from National Geographic. Her pictures are beyond amazing (see the holiday lights picture below). Today I am thrilled to share her holiday story with you! A Different Kind of Holiday Bird by Elizabeth Flora Ross My parents were married 53 years. They went through lots of good times, and plenty of not-so-good. Through it … [Read more...]
Get Me Out of Here! Mom Skips Thanksgiving
November 21, 2014 By 4 Comments
Happy Thanksgiving! By now, like Sleeping Beauty, my family is waking from a deep slumber, wiping the crust from their eyes as they stumble into the kitchen in search of coffee. I bet it’s about 10:00 a.m. and they’re starting to wonder, “Where’s Mom?” Well, surprise, I have three words, “At the movies.” I've decided to skip Thanksgiving. Getting My Movie On I’m exhausted by the thought of another Thanksgiving Day, spent in the scullery, sweating it out like Bikram Yoga. Enough with hot ovens, boiling pots and disgusting turkey giblets already. I’m Getting My Movie On, sitting in a comfy chair, hogging a whole box of popcorn and a large Diet Coke. Ha ha! Time Off Now don’t get me wrong, … [Read more...]
25 Funny Famous Comedian Quotes and Me
November 14, 2014 By 2 Comments
Need a good laugh? Here’s my Twitter recap of 25 funny famous comedian quotes plus a few of my own. Feel free to retweet. For the Guys Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with ‘rear end.’ Never. Avoid area altogether. Trust me. – Tim Allen When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car. – Bob Monkhouse If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. -- Dave Barry Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years … [Read more...]
How to Be a Guest on Blog Talk Radio
November 11, 2014 By 4 Comments
One of the greatest moments for a published author is when you're asked to talk about your book on the radio. Last week, I had the opportunity to be featured on Feisty Side of Fifty Radio, despite being ONLY 49 3/4. How to Be a Guest on Blog Talk Radio Mary Eileen Williams, the host, and I discovered that we shared the same birthday. I figured she felt sorry for me and allowed me to be on her show since everybody knows that a December birthday absolutely sucks. And for this gig, I could wear my pajamas. What's Feisty Side of Fifty* Hello and welcome to THE FEISTY SIDE OF FIFTY,™ the site that celebrates a truly remarkable generation of women. We alpha boomers, now fifty plus but … [Read more...]
7 Ladies, 4 Drag Queens and 14 Martinis = Bucket List
November 3, 2014 By 14 Comments
Do you have a bucket list? I’ve always wanted to go to a drag show with my best friends. It’s seemed so daring, entertaining and theatrical, what’s not to like?! Fortunately I live near San Francisco and it’s not too hard to find a first rate drag show, one where you seriously start to believe that the performers are REAL WOMEN. For a group of fun-loving ladies, Sunday’s a Drag at the Starlight Room in the Sir Frances Drake Hotel provided the perfect mixture of entertainment and naughty we craved. (PS. Don't miss the YouTube video at the end.) Seven Women Seven fearless women, decked out in their sparkliest outfits and highest heels, commandeered a long table near the stage. We … [Read more...]
Shut the Hell Up I’m Taking a Nap
October 22, 2014 By 6 Comments
Ever wonder if there’s a surefire way to get your kids off the couch fast? Or move your husband? Just say you’re going to take a nap. All hell breaks loose. Let me start at the beginning. We enjoyed eating at Vic’s All Star Kitchen on Saturday mornings. Nothing beat a big stack of hotcakes, thick smoky bacon, side of hash browns and a plate of toast to induce a coma later in the day. By noon, I could barely move much less keep my eyes opened. I said to my family, “I’ll be upstairs. Taking a nap.” Time To Ask Friends Over “Okay. Can I have some friends over?” my daughter asked, bolting off the sofa and stuffing a bag of popcorn in the microwave. “Talk to your dad. I’ll be in my … [Read more...]
It’s a Pain in the Ass to Promote Your Book Online
October 16, 2014 By 2 Comments
To promote your book online is more difficult than trying to get your teenager to do calculus homework on a Friday night during a Pretty Little Liars marathon. But sometimes you get lucky and the right person enjoys what you have to offer. For me, that was Roz Warren. She took a liking to my novel, Are You Kidding Me? My Life with an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives and posted a review on the Huffington Post. Presto, it climbed up to the Book home page. Here’s an excerpt: Stacey Gustafson: An Erma for the Cell Phone Era Roz says, “It's easy to enjoy these quick, upbeat glimpses into suburban family life. Gustafson covers much the same ground as Erma Bombeck, … [Read more...]
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