Here’s a list of stuff your kids will never understand or use like the Polaroid camera, fax machines or shopping at Blockbuster Video Store. As technology develops at a breakneck speed, our past is being erased. This list may not be as important as the invention of the Internet, cell phones or electric cars but it’s part of our generation and worth reflection. Albums Ten years ago, my husband cleaned the basement and discovered his old record collection. He even located the turntable. My five year old picked up an album and said, “Dad, that’s the biggest CD I’ve ever seen!” Bye-bye eight track tapes, VHS, and tape cassettes. Top 10 Most Valuable Records … [Read more...]
No Toilet Paper in the Ladies’ Room? Bring Your Own!
January 1, 2014 By 4 Comments
“What took you so long in the ladies' room? Anchorman 2 is about to start,” said my husband, flagging me towards theater five. Oh, he wants to know what took me so long? Can he handle the truth? “I’ll be right back. Gonna use the powder room. Wait here,” I said to my husband. I paused outside the bathroom door. Twenty women lined up like soldiers, purses holstered, feet tapping out an impatient beat. Memo to self, go before you leave home. Gals Go in Pairs For men who haven’t been paying attention, lines snake out the restroom, around the corner of the building, past the exit and through the parking lot. Gals go in pairs to have someone to wait it out with, like standing in line for … [Read more...]
Dear Santa Love Mom
December 24, 2013 By 4 Comments
Dear Santa, I’ve been a good mother and wife this year. I have processed more laundry than Hop Sing Laundromat and prepared more dishes than the Cheesecake Factory. I’ve watched 69 episodes of Duck Dynasty, blended 200 smoothies, ran 2,998 errands and schlepped a basketball team to 29 tournaments. I have only a few tiny requests. Very teeny requests actually. Let me explain. Do you mind asking my son to check his jean pockets before putting them in the dryer? Found to date: one dried garter snake, 15 lbs. of shredded paper and seven packs of gum. Could you send the refrigerator repairman a decent pair of pants? I was subjected to hairy butt crack on nine separate occasions. That's … [Read more...]
Teens Release Christmas CD to Help Red Rhino Orphanage
December 20, 2013 By Leave a Comment
Every once in a while you hear a feel-good Christmas story and if you’re lucky, it’s about someone you know. I’m proud to introduce you to two sixteen-year-olds, Ryan Knop and Brock Gustafson, friends that are inspiring others to do the right thing. At Foothill High School, Ryan and Brock are spreading holiday cheer and raising awareness for The Red Rhino Orphanage Project by selling Christmas CDs. Together they wrote and produced the album, “A Ryan Knop Christmas.” The album has over 11 songs, featuring Ryan singing with Audrey Francisco, Elliot Momand, and JP Pasteur. This is their second Christmas album. After last year’s success, they decided to donate the profits to an … [Read more...]
High Pressure Christmas Kiosks Bring On Mall Madness
December 19, 2013 By 1 Comment
On the sixth day of Christmas, the mall gave to me, six angry sales teams, five new languages, four aroma pillows, three tubs of sea salt, two hair straighteners, and a partridge in a pear tree. As the refrain from “The Twelve Days of Christmas” echoes through my head, I wander the mall avoiding eye contact with Christmas kiosk employees. Who hasn’t been stopped midstream by perky cell phone employees begging, “try our service” or “switch today”? Who hasn’t had fragrant lotion squeezed onto their hands while taking cover from flying helicopters or tiny, motorized cars zipping around their feet? But while I tried to avoid their seduction, the magnetic attraction is too … [Read more...]
Going Commando at the Work Holiday Party?
December 4, 2013 By 17 Comments
Let’s face it. Ladies undergarments were not designed with comfort in mind. Not much has changed since the invention of the corset that was meant to give a woman an 18-inch waist. But the undergarment I am going to rant about is Spanx or shape wear, like the old fashioned girdle. They tout the motto, “No matter the occasion or season, we’ve got a shape to keep you looking great from all angles!” But at what price? I heard of a case where the mother of the bride was stuck inside a full body Spanx for five hours. If Spanx’s motto is, “Spanx is here on your big day,” where were they? It slims and lifts, but is it worth it? Holiday Party My big moment came to prove the claims made … [Read more...]
Mom’s Thanksgiving Day Plea
November 25, 2013 By 8 Comments
Happy Thanksgiving Day! By now, like Sleeping Beauty, my family is waking from a deep slumber, wiping the crust from their eyes as they stumble into the kitchen in search of coffee. I bet it’s about 10:00 a.m. and they’re starting to wonder, “Where’s Mom?” Well, surprise, I have three words, “At the movies.” I have decided to take the day off. I’m exhausted by the thought of another Thanksgiving Day, spent in the scullery, sweating it out like Bikram Yoga. Enough with hot ovens, boiling pots and disgusting turkey giblets already. I’m Getting My Movie On, sitting in a comfy chair, hogging a whole box of popcorn and a large Diet Coke. Ha ha! Now don’t get me wrong, I love each and … [Read more...]
Local Authors Book Signing Event at Bay Books
November 18, 2013 By 2 Comments
What happens when four funny East Bay gals hold a book signing event? A big crowd laughed their way through the evening on Thursday, November 14 at Bay Books in San Ramon. Stories, snacks and prizes galore! We each read excerpts from our stories in the latest Not Your Mother's Book...On Home Improvement and On Being a Parent. On Home Improvement Here's a little bit from my story, "He Who Kills Weeds." “If you’re interested in keeping this job you cannot speak to my husband,” I said to Francisco, the new lawn service guy. “If he asks you any questions, you must say, ‘No hablo ingles.’ Deal?” “No problem. But why?” he asked, scrunching his eyebrows. “Do you have a minute?” I … [Read more...]
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