Trapped in Girl's Bathroom Without Cell Phone The thought of using a public toilet raises my anxiety to threat level orange. My fear started at Girl Scout camp in 6th grade. Locked in a ripe latrine during a Midwest heat wave gave me a case of toilet phobia. And yet with only five minutes left of my daughter’s basketball game, Foothill High Schoolversus Amador Valley High School, I could not fight the urge to use the toilet any longer. With shortness of breath, I banged open the women’s restroom door, rushed for the closest stall. Thankfully it was a tiny bathroom, three spots, all empty. Mindful to touch as little as possible, I did my business and exited faster than Apolo … [Read more...]
Guns, Drugs and Dinero, Writer Calls For Help
March 15, 2013 By 9 Comments
Next time a writer calls for help, I’ll be ready with a set answer, “Can I check my schedule and get back with you?” Especially if the request involves guns, drugs and dinero. How It All Started Let me start at the beginning. A few weeks ago, my friend, Julie, had cornea and lens replacement right before she was set to release her novel, PILZ. After weeks of working on a cover design with a prior designer, deadlines and obligations got in the way and forced her to search for someone new. That someone was me. I received her email at midnight in Times Roman size 20 font. Dear God, the surgery made her blind. But, I think she used this as a way to trick me into helping. I was just an … [Read more...]
Stacey Gustafson Published NYMB…On Travel!
March 5, 2013 By Leave a Comment
I am thrilled to announce that my story, “War in the Skies,” will be published March 26, 2013 in the anthology series, Not Your Mother’s Book…On Travel. This is my second story in the Not Your Mother’s Book series. Not Your Mother's Book...On Travel is an anthology filled with true, first-person travel adventure stories. From the jungles of Central America to the highlands of Africa, from the charms of Europe to the mysteries of North America, from the sacred sites of Asia to the high seas of the Caribbean, these stories will delight and entertain you. Whether you are an armchair traveler or an on-the-road-again adventurer, we invite you to vicariously journey around the world with us. … [Read more...]
Beware of Free Coupons, Stranger Bearing Gifts
March 2, 2013 By 4 Comments
I know one thing about life: free coupons are not worth it. Let me explain. In my kitchen, my mother-in-law and I caught up on the lastest gossip. At the same time, I shuffled through piles of paper in our junk drawer and deep-sixed a stack of coupons. She jumped up, stunned, and saved them from the recycling bin. Woman, keep your hands out of my trash. “Don’t worry. It’s just a bunch of free coupons, not worth it,” I said, wiggling my head in disbelief. “I have never found that to be the case,” she said, hands on hips. “Free is free.” Maybe I should have prefaced my statement. Last summer, neighbor’s family was visiting and she expressed her concerns to me. “I … [Read more...]
Grandparents Return Gifts, Even Plants
February 7, 2013 By 5 Comments
My grandparents return gifts, even plants. Their excuses for returning our gifts ranged from too large, too tight, wrong color, useless, costly, confusing or purchased under the wrong zodiac sign. All our presents had been returned for 40 years. It was good etiquette to accept a gift graciously but my grandparents were the exception. “Return it, dear. We don’t need it,” Grandmother said in her girlish voice. “Save your money. You keep it,” growled Grandpa, tugging up his baggy trousers. Each year, my mother continued to be disappointed and surprised by their insensitivity. “Mom, they do this every time,” I said. “They hate everything we give them. Stop buying them stuff. Give gift … [Read more...]
House Tried to Kill Me During Move
January 12, 2013 By 13 Comments
I’ve moved eight times in twenty-two years of marriage. That’s a grand total of 3,987 boxes to unpack, 50 pieces of battered furniture, 45 missing cartons, 15 damaged appliances, 2 wrecked cars, and one lost pet. I’m as unlucky as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. This time my house tried to kill me during the move. Let's Move! For our latest and hopefully final move, we found a perfect house only two miles away. This time our move would not be dictated by my husband’s job. “Let’s do this,” I said to my husband after viewing the ideal home at an open house. “It’s perfect.” Moving day swooped down on my household, as swift and predictable as daylight savings time. “Oh. My. … [Read more...]
2014 New Year’s Non-Resolutions
December 29, 2012 By 8 Comments
Since New Year’s Resolutions are usually forgotten by January 2, I decided to try something different. Go ahead and laugh out loud at my interpretation of 2014 New Year's Non-Resolutions Stop clicking a button or link that says “I agree” before reading all the terms and conditions. You might be giving away cash or a kidney. Got high blood pressure? Heart disease? Eat more Brookside dark chocolate covered Goji berries with raspberry from Target. Antioxidants are good for you. Learn how to play the harmonica. Who knows? You might be the next Dan Aykroyd, Steven Tyler or Bob Dylan. Encourage your family to go to the gym often. You need more quiet time. Watch all the … [Read more...]
Woman Ditches Spanx – Goes Commando
December 29, 2012 By 6 Comments
Let’s face it. Ladies undergarments were not designed with comfort in mind. Not much has changed since the invention of the corset that was meant to give a woman an 18-inch waist. But the undergarment I am going to rant about is Spanx or shape wear, like the old fashioned girdle. They tout the motto, “No matter the occasion or season, we’ve got a shape to keep you looking great from all angles!” But at what price? I heard of a case where the mother of the bride was stuck inside a full body Spanx for five hours. If Spanx’s motto is, “Spanx is here on your big day,” where were they? It slims and lifts, but is it worth it? Holiday Party My big moment came to prove the claims made by … [Read more...]
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