Elyse, the Cougar, from Colton’s Bachelor Season

Remember when women over 27 were considered cougars on Colton Underwood’s The Bachelor season? So that got me thinking. What if the Bachelorette show featured women over 50? Hey ABC, it’s time to allow a more mature candidate a chance to find love on the air too. By 50, women know what they want and the show can be fast-forwarded over a few weekends as long as the following age appropriate rules are met.

Rules for Bachelorette Show Over 50

Absolutely No Jumping of Any Sort

On the typical Bachelorette show, lots of jumping is involved on group dates. For the Bachelorette Show Over 50, there will be no skydiving, bungee jumping, cliff diving, paragliding, rock climbing, BASE-jumping, hand gliding, or wingsuit flying. According to experts, approximately one in two women over age 50 will break a bone because of osteoporosis. Let’s get real. They’ll be no leaping, hopping, skipping of any sort.

Check out more cliff jumping in previous seasons: https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/bachelorette-robby-his-neon-trunks-904812

Must Finish Meals on All Dates

You never see the contestants finish a single meal on “The Bachelorette Show.” Beautiful meals, elegantly displayed, sit untouched as the couple stare into each other’s eyes. Why? The producers fill the contestants up beforehand so no one has to listen to food sounds. What?!

On Bachelorette Show Over 50, that will change. In real life, it’s important to find out a guy’s table manners. Does he eat with his mouth open? Smack and crunch? Stuff his face? Pick his teeth? All are all grounds to be dismissed from the show.

No Swimming

Pools require swimsuits. By 50, our jiggly bits and under arm flab doesn’t need to be broadcasted across the nation. We’re trying to score a husband and need to keep our curves under cover. Women have been battling body fat forever. Moms have 2.4 children on average. Our bodies have changed.

Hot Tubs Okay

We need a hot soak after a busy strenuous day of non-stop activities. However, under the cover of dark, hot tubs are perfectly fine. Good for pain and inflammation.

Using your hot tub for aches and pains: https://www.hotspring.com/blog/using-your-hot-tub-for-pain-relief-and-better-overall-quality-of-life

Mandatory Background Credit Checks

Let’s get those skeletons out of the closet. By age 50, we don’t have time or inclination to woo a deadbeat dad or unemployed loser. Men, get your credit score in order before you apply to be a contestant on Bachelorette Show Over 50. Eligible guys must provide current information on identity, education, past employment, and financial history like credit score, bankruptcies and criminal history. In sum, that means only credit scores 700 and higher need apply.

Must Be Employed with Health Insurance

In order to date Bachelorette Over 50, a gentleman must be gainfully employed with medical health benefits. Therefore, he may not be off work for more than two weeks. None of this dating on the show for three months stuff. He may not be on his parents plan ether. I heard contestants on The Bachelor quit their jobs and refinance their mortgages all in the name of “finding love.” Therefore, no man with a decent job can afford to ditch his job that long.

Full Disclosure of Cosmetic Surgery

Contestants must disclose all forms of plastic surgery. We want to know about tummy tucks, neck fat, brow lifts, chin augmentation, nose jobs and male breast reduction. We need to understand the competition.

Stay tuned for more details about The Bachelorette Over 50. Coming to a city near you!

Are You Still Kidding Me?

Want more? Are You Still Kidding Me? is available on Amazon in ebook and paperback. What are reviewers saying?

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