If you’re like me, you’ve been holed in your home for what feels like months. With my newfound time, I started a daily quarantine diary to remind me of the weird, quirky, and funny things that have happened along the way. Here’s what I noted:

 

Quarantine Diary – Week 1

Day 1 – Our grandparents were called to war. We’re being called to sit on our couch. Together we can do this.

Day 2 – The dog refuses to eat dry kibble so I feed him chicken and rice, which he gobbles down. Due to shortage of chicken I’m faced with a new dilemma. If the dog starts eating chicken, then are we going to have to consider eating the dog?

Day 3 –Didn’t realize husband uses speakerphone for 12 hours a day. Must seek out noise cancelling headset.

Day 4 – Grocery stores out of milk. I guess we’ ll have to drink wine.

Day 5 – Stashing few extra rolls of toilet paper under my side of the bed. One never knows.

Day 6 – Remember when you said, “When will I ever use math?”

Day 7 – Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist.

Quarantine Diary – Week 2

Day 8 – If you wear a plastic dog cone, will you still touch your face?

Day 9 – Can I wear this mask to the bank?

Day 10 – Am I in love with Dr. Anthony Fauci?

Day 11 – Watching Tiger King for the first time. This is the stupidest show I’ve ever seen. What’s with the mullet haircut? Wait one minute. Why isn’t this guy on American Idol?

Day 12 – Loving the banter between New York governor, Andrew Cuomo, and his brother, CNN anchor Chris Cuomo.

Day 13 – Wonder who’s really behind coronavirus, Charmin, Zoom, or Purell?

Day 14 – I can’t do this.

Quarantine Diary – Week 3

Day 15 – I’ve forgotten the names of my favorite restaurants.

Day 16 – My dog is giving me the look. He’s either wishing I’d leave the house or wondering if I’d taste better with tobacco.

Day 17 – Stocked up on 10 cans of tuna, 20 lbs. of rice, 5 boxes of Cheerios, and 36 eggs.

Day 18 – Realize I hate tuna, cereal, and eggs. And rice is gross.

Day 19 – Since when did vintage sports become a thing?

Day 20 – Decide to give Tiger King another try. Can’t take my eyes off the ridiculousness. Joe Exotic must be lip-syncing.

Day 21 – If my husband talks about interest rates, GDP, or debt levels one more time, so help me God, I’m giving myself coronavirus.

Quarantine Diary – Week 4

Day 22 – Cutting my bangs with cellophane tape and the dullest scissors I own seemed like a good idea.

Day 23 – Remember the good ol’ days when we used to argue about which way to hang the toilet paper?

Day 24 – Participated in second Zoom meeting with Toastmasters group. Next week, man buns?

Day 26 – The only thing worse than your husband watching sports 24/7, is your husband watching vintage sports from 1998.

Day 27 – I realize that I am unable to take care of myself. I have no skills. I cannot cut hair, make butter, manufacture aluminum foil, set up Zoom, or build a thermometer.

Day 28 – Watching a plastic bag blow down the street and get caught in a rose bush. For one hour.

Quarantine Diary – Week 5

Day 29 – Husband sneezed directly inside the refrigerator. Is it too late to pick someone else to self-quarantine with?

Day 30 – Dropped off can of Lysol to a friend for her birthday.

Day 31 – Final count: 125 freckles on right arm and 73 on left. Do I need to see a dermatologist?

Day 32 – Is the expiration date on canned food a recommendation or suggestion?

Day 33 – I don’t even recognize myself on FaceTime.

Day 34 – What’s better? Mashed, baked, fried or au gratin potatoes? Should I care?

Day 35 – Adult coloring books are bullshit.

Quarantine Diary – Week 6

Day 36– Keeping track of the days with a marker on the wall like a prisoner. Day XXXVI.