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Summer’s here so get ready to book a cruise of a lifetime. But before you pack your suitcase, you may want to read this first. Actual complaints from real customers were posted on ConsumerAffairs.com and carnival-cruise-lines.pissedconsumer.com. The funniest cruise complaints were from cruises taken over the last year using Carnival Cruise Lines.

I realize that there are complaints-a-plenty on other cruise lines too, like Norwegian, Disney, Celebrity, Seabourn, just to name a few. However, Carnival Cruise Lines had some of the worst reviews, and hence the funniest! Carnival Cruise Lines ain’t no love boat.

What’s Consumer Affairs?

ConsumerAffairs is a consumer news and advocacy organization founded in 1998 by James R. Hood, a veteran Washington, D.C. journalist and public affairs executive. Our website includes consumer news, recall information and tens of thousands of pages of consumer reviews.

11 Funniest Cruise Complaints

Blood Stains?

I let our steward know about the bloodstains I found on the bed, pillowcases, towels and shower curtain. When I showed him, he was embarrassed and changed out everything. — Jessica of Atlanta

Eat Fried Bird?

The food throughout the trip was disgusting and cannot even rank in comparison to other cruise boats we’ve been on. At one point a group of us also (again) joked that we were eating fried bird. Maybe it was chicken, if so the bones were in places I’ve never known a chicken to have… – Lisa of Titusville, FL

Overuse of F-Bomb?

The pool area became an area where you would not want your family to be. Never been around people where the F-bomb was used as a noun, pronoun, verb and adjective, all in the same sentence. Would we cruise with Carnival again… – K of Beavercreek, OH

“…we hear a pop, smoke coming from the funnel and it was like a rain of fire.”

Rain of Fire?

Later that night my husband and me went to the top to play basketball, next thing you know we hear a pop, smoke coming from the funnel and it was like a rain of fire. It had burnt my husband, got in his eyes and his mouth. — Crystal of Smyrna, TN on Feb. 6, 2015

Brown Stains?

This cruise was beyond the worst cruise ever!!! Not to mention we found charcoal on our bed, and when they changed the sheet and now the new sheet had some type of brown stain so they changed the sheets again, plus there were fruit loops behind the bed. We also found a saltshaker full of rust on the lido deck near the Mongolian BBQ. — Cruising Kat of Garden Grove, CA

Bodily Fluids?

It was to be a trip of a lifetime for my son’s graduation. Little did we know that it would be a cruise from Hell. A very irresponsible health care provider decided to take a trip after dealing with bodily fluids from an Ebola Patient. I can’t begin to tell you of the stress the people on this cruise were under. — Sandra of Covington, TN on Oct. 22, 2014

Jump Overboard?

I looked on Yelp and saw there were only three reviews for this ship most likely because the rest of the people who traveled on this ship probably jumped overboard and swam back to shore and of those who wrote, I doubt very much they have traveled extensively enough to know the difference between a good cruise and this one. — J of Bronx, NY on Aug. 18, 2014

Lick My Hand?

We are big fans of Guy Fieri and were excited that this was addition to the Liberty ship. When we dined there after a shore excursion we witnessed an employee, literally lick his hand and handle food directly after and place condiments on the table outside for guests use. I mean, really Carnival this is totally unacceptable. — Daphne of Atlanta, GA on March 19, 2014

Detained and Violated?

Was grabbed by someone during mustard drill. I called him a curse name and was ask to step out with a person then asked to follow 4 security personnel onto a room with no knowledge or explanation and then door was shut and three security personnel haired door would not let me leave while I was screamed at and verbally abused and threatened from taking my kids to call police. I was detained and my constitutional rights were violated. Afterwards he kept saying that my ship card was no longer good for alcohol. –Scott of Windermere, FL on March 17, 2014

Nasty Smell?

After showering he grabbed a towel from the rack to dry himself with. After drying his shoulders and chest he dried his face, only to realize that the towel had a disgusting, nasty smell to it. He opened up the towel and saw a huge brownish-yellowish stain. The scent was unquestionably that of *** (like someone used the towel to clean their ***) He jumped in the shower again to try to clean himself up…At this point he was hysterical thinking of what he might of been exposed to. He dried himself off with his clothes because he refused to use any of the towels, and ran out to go to guest services. — Anonymous, Mission Viejo, CA

Need NAV?

The ship itself was disappointing and the layout is so complicated you need sat nav to find your way around. The entertainment was fairly poor (unless you wanted to spend all day listening to lectures on the most obscure subjects known to man). — PaulStevens84

For more information:

Consumer Affairs: http://www.consumeraffairs.com/travel/carnival_cruise_lines.htm?page=2

Carnival Cruise Line: http://carnival-cruise-lines.pissedconsumer.com/this-was-one-of-our-worst-holidays-ever-20150204590511.html

Coming soon…bad restaurant reviews.

Looking for a summer read?
Are You Kidding Me?: My Life with an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives is available on Amazon and eBooks. It’s filled with stories about crazy families, holiday chaos, school disasters and more. Hoping to make you laugh one story at a time. Get your copy now!! Click to purchase on Amazon.