Big news across the blogosphere this week, Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn Jenner. Does she have any idea that being a woman sucks? It’s a man’s world! Here’s my list of things Caitlyn Jenner has to look forward to now that she’s a woman.

8 Ways Being a Woman Sucks

Belly Fat

Losing weight after 50 is as impossible as wearing 6” stilettos without falling down. Did you know that women only need 1,300 calories daily after menopause to maintain their average weight? Hell, Cheesecake Factory’s fettuccini with chicken and sun-dried tomatoes has 1,390 calories. And that’s the lunch portion. There, you’re done eating for the day. Swallow that with a glass of water! And you’ll never lose your belly fat despite all the cardio and Bikram yoga you can manage. But you don’t appear afraid of plastic surgery, so there’s always that option.

“Is your husband home?”

If you purchase a new house, sports car, patio furniture, window treatment or anything over $500, the sales guy will inquire, “Is your husband here? Perhaps you should come back when he’s available. Saves time.”

Eyes Up Here

Get used to a guy’s eyes anywhere but on your lovely face. Apparently, it’s a scientific fact that men that stare at boobs live longer. “The scientists say a long look at some craveable curves gives rise to better blood circulation. It gets the heart pumping, leads to lower blood pressure and fewer episodes of coronary artery disease.” http://www.wmbfnews.com/story/12923057/copy-live-longer-study-shows-men-who-stare-at-boobs-increase-their-time-on-earth

Hair Removal

Women are expected to be hairless maidens. You’ll shave, pluck, and trim your eyebrows, legs, face, and hoo hah. Remove every single strand of unruly hair off every inch of your body. Managing all that hair removal takes time and money. According to one study, women spend $10,207 over a lifetime on hair removal products. Ouch!

http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2008/06/24/Women-spend-up-to-23000-to-remove-hair/64771214351618/

Multitasking

Juggling two or three things at a time will be your new normal. Cook, clean, and texting at the same time, yes you can. Women can bounce a baby on their knee, balance a checkbook and stir spaghetti sauce at once. Don’t except any thanks or rewards either.

Clothes

You better look good each time you leave the house, your friends are watching. Now you must pay careful attention to your clothes, makeup, nails, and hair. When you were a guy, you thought dressing up meant a clean pair of sweats and Nike shoes. (I’ve seen the pictures!) Well, think again. With your latest notoriety, you will be photographed and plastered across the cover of all the latest mags. Heck, I bet you even knock those Kardashian brats off the pages of The National Enquirer.

Underwire bras

Prepare to be stabbed, probed and chafed by the underwire cutting into your boob. A good underwire bra average around $100 with a 6-9 month lifespan. Men’s underwear comes 7-pk for $35. Where’s the justice?

Apologize

Get used to apologizing. Apologize for everything. You will apologize at work, home, school, parties, grocery store, social media, strangers, friends, emails, and parents. Woman never stop apologizing for the way we look, our breath, body, bra size, height, job, cooking, attitude, and opinion. You get the point?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bustle/23-things-women-apologize-for-all-the-time_b_5915414.html

So, what do you have to say, Caitlyn Jenner, the world is watching? Are you up for the challenge?

Do you have any thing to add to the list, “8 Ways Being a Woman Sucks?”

Need a Father’s Day Gift Idea?
Are You Kidding Me? My Life with an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives is available on Amazon and eBooks. It’s filled with stories about crazy families, holiday chaos, school disasters and more. Hoping to make you laugh one story at a time. Get your copy now!! Click to purchase on Amazon.