When I heard that my good friend and funny gal Anne Bardsley was releasing her latest novel, How I Earned My Wrinkles: Musings on Marriage, Motherhood, and Menopause, I thought to myself, “What can I do to help?”
We met at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Conference in April and bonded over stand-up comedy. Both of us volunteered to do comedy on the last night of the conference. I was frantically practicing my routine in the mirror the night before stand-up when I heard talking in the hallway. I yanked open the door and hauled Anne and Rae Ellen Lee (A Field Guide to Geezers) into the room. They listened to my worries, were a patient audience, and helped calm my nerves.
Ever since, I’ve had a good laugh reading her blog and excited about her book release. Over at Anz World, I’ve learned that she likes to joke around with selfies, loves her grandkids and dances around to Lee Ann Womack. This is my kind of lady!
Tell Me About Yourself Anne Bardsley
When was the first time you realized could make people laugh?
When I gave our kids curfews, they laughed hysterically. When I told my mother-in-law I cleaned the house, she did the same. That’s when my comedy routine began. If I could make people laugh like that I knew I must be funny.
Who’s your favorite comedian?
Rita Rudner has to be my top favorite. Her humor is so dry and her expressions are priceless. ”Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” My husband has a pierced ear!! ”Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times.”
What’s been your biggest challenge? Marriage, motherhood or menopause?
Thanks to menopause I can’t remember most of the other two…. although there is a man in my house who looks familiar. He keeps asking me to lie down and to make him food!
Mani or Pedi?
My last pedicure was disturbing. I flipped the vibrating switch on my chair. I shimmied, breasts swaying, belly giggling, thighs hopping. Suddenly something came alive in the seat of my chair. I am telling you something was after me! This chair was lusting after me. Except for the lack of heavy breathing, I think I was committing adultery. I’m sticking with manicures for now.
What’s your husband’s most annoying habit?
He’s always late, changes his mind constantly, lost forty pounds and he’s clueless. Most annoying would have to be when he says, “We should”…. (Fill in the blank) give the dogs a bath, weed the garden, cut the palm trees, and make vegetarian meals. This actually translates to: It would be a good idea, Anne, if YOU would give the dogs a bath, weed the garden, cut the palm trees and make vegetarian meals. I blame this on having our own business for thirty years and having people who would do things he said. He insists it’s because he is trying not to sound self-centered and talk about himself all day. ”We” don’t believe that. Neither should you!
What’s your nickname?
I am “The Queen.” Our business is selling and servicing pressure washers. It’s a man’s world really, but I’m good at it. Therefore I became “the Queen”. When I sold a pressure washer, our employees would all be funny and bow to the queen. When they sold one, I made them dance. If the Queen says dance, you better have some good moves!!
What’s the biggest lie you ever told?
I don’t tell big lies, just little ones. I am actually very good at little white lies. We were married thirty-two years when Scott decided to become a Eucharist minister. Since we got married in a Lutheran church because I didn’t have an annulment, we had to get re-married in our church. (My Thirty-Two Year Second Marriage story is in the book.) We met with our pastor and he took us separately to remind us how serious marriage is. Hello! We’d been married thirty-two years. I could tell him stories! Scott went in first. He asked several questions and one was, “When was the last time you went to mass?” He honesty said, “Two weeks ago.” My turn… same question… “Oh just last Sunday, Father.” I lied. Okay I know this makes me a bad Catholic girl. I haven’t even confessed it yet! I didn’t want Father to know the real Anne. I’m hit or miss at Sunday mass.
What’s your proudest moment?
Giving my mom’s eulogy. I wanted to give her a great send-off to Heaven. The priest told me I had 3 minutes! Three minutes?? How do you sum off your mom’s life in three minutes?! She was sweet, generous, funny, dedicated, wonderful grandmom, mom, and very caring even to strangers. I told the crowd that I could hear her telling me to “Get these people some food, Anne. Make it short. And somebody get Aunt Ag (80) a cup of tea.” I took five minutes, but she was worth so much more. The priest was not so happy with me. I kissed him on the cheek to cheer him up! My mom would have appreciated that. I think I heard her laughing.
How many wrinkles do you have?
Ha ha get your wrinkle meter ready! “Make Him Notice You All Over Again” is the story in the book where Scott counts my wrinkles. It was quite genius of me to come up with that title because now I need my wrinkles to market the book.
Ideas for your next book?
I have three: One is titled “A Shelf In My Heart” about tender moments to encourage people to slow down and relish the little things that are so sweet you couldn’t buy them with money. Mr. Bojangles, in my current book, will be in this book also. He’s a perfect example of people who touched my life in a very simple way. Second is more humor stories…not sure of title yet. Third book comes from my gift store ten years ago. “Anne’s House of Angels…Gifts from the Heart” I had a visit from two angels and it changed my life. I gave an angels to everyone I met who was struggling. I wanted people in pain to know the calming love I’d experienced. I kept a journal book “Ask the Angels” in the store and people would write to ask angels for help. I have so many stories of signs from Heaven that people received, me included. It’s a goose bump book. There ya go Stacey.
Stacey Gustafson’s book review. You’re gonna love it!
How I Earned My Wrinkles: Musings on Marriage, Motherhood, and Menopause is the perfect summer read. Anne Bardsley hits the nail on the head with her hilarious antidotes about childhood, family, friends, menopause and eavesdropping on her teens.
Anne writes gems about hormone replacement therapy, “So you’re telling me that I may get hairy, have a deep voice, and feel amorous?” I laughed. “That’s is my husband’s worst nightmare.”
She’s so relatable. Her husband sounds just like mine when she asks him about her face, “Your face is fine. What’s for dinner?” I’ve even said out loud, “I’ve done that!” while reading chapters “The Twelve Days of Hormones” and “Organization 101.”Share in the laughter. Grab a copy now. It may be the funniest thing you did all summer.
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Great interview! I love the pedi chair story! I can totally relate! Her book sounds like a hoot!
She’s a pretty funny gal. Her husband stories will bring you to tears.
I’m still laughing at this interview! Love it! Thanks for hosting her, Stacey!
She’s my funny pal. Anything I can do to boost another starving writer!