2014 New Year’s Non-Resolutions

Since New Year’s Resolutions are usually forgotten by January 2, I decided to try something different.  Go ahead and laugh out loud at my interpretation of

2014 New Year’s Non-Resolutions

  1. Stop clicking a button or link that says “I agree” before reading all the terms and Stacey Gustafsonconditions.  You might be giving away cash or a kidney.
  2. Got high blood pressure?  Heart disease? Eat more Brookside dark chocolate covered Goji berries with raspberry from Target.  Antioxidants are good for you.
  3. Learn how to play the harmonica.  Who knows?  You might be the next Dan Aykroyd, Steven Tyler or Bob Dylan.
  4. Encourage your family to go to the gym often.   You need more quiet time.
  5. Watch all the episodes of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.”  It will make you feel better about your own life.
  6. Look at as many YouTube videos as possible.  You’ll have something to talk about with the kids.
  7. Become a vegetarian.  I bet you have entirely too much lettuce, carrots, onions, celery and potatoes in the refrigerator.
  8. Figure out a way to get rid of back fat.   Your muffin top is getting jealous.
  9. Instead of dieting, try rioting.  Starbuck’s prices?  All movies staring Keanu Reeves? Mispronunciation of the word “especially?” Think about it.
  10. Petition the USDA to approve the pomegranate martini as a fruit. It deserves a place on the food pyramid.  Or MyPlate?

How about you?  Add you own funny resolutions at the bottom.  I’d love to hear back!


About staceygustafson


  1. eugenia murphy says

    Funnier and funnier! I look forward to Stacie’s offerings.

  2. Love the resolutions! And although I love your stories–the pictures you post are hysterical. The Rewrapper one is especially cute. Thanks Stacey. 🙂

    Happy New Year . . .wishing you all good things . . .

  3. Lani Longshore says

    I love the gym resolution – I definitely could use more quiet time around the house! My own resolutions tend toward projects. Small projects. Get the Easter decorations put away (might be a moot point since Easter comes early this year). Find out what’s hiding in the back of the fridge and if it has developed language skills yet. Okay, maybe those projects are bigger than I can handle. Finish eating the Christmas candy – that’s a project I can manage.

  4. I vote for adding pomegranate martini as a fruit!! Tastes great and looks beautiful:)

    Thanks Stacey for the laughs!!

  5. Love #4. That’s exercising your brain. =)

    Author of You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers

    • staceygustafson says

      And thanks for all your writing tips. Your latest newsletter was filled with great contests and terrific advice. Now if we could just get our families to be quiet for eight hours a day, we would meet our 2013 writing goals. Go get your funny on!

  6. Stacey,

    Love the resolutions. Thanks for always making me laugh.


  7. J. McPherron says

    I resolve not to resolve. Conserve energy!

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