If you think your state has drought problems, try living in California. Our state has the #1 Biggest Water Shortage in the nation. This is our driest period in 150 years. It’s mandatory for residents to cut water usage by 25% in our town or there won’t be enough to go around by the end of summer. Here’s my list of Funny Ways to Save Water:
Ways to Save Water in the Laundry Room
- Rewear, rewear, and rewear – Did you know that the two-thirds of the British people wear dirty clothes from the laundry basket? Mom’s New Rule: Wear it until it stinks. Then wear it again.
- Use perfume to cover up body odor – Sure you might smell like a French whorehouse but people will be so distracted by the overpowering fragrance, they’ll forget about the other odors. Personal favorite, try Chanel No.5, the perfect mix of essential oils to mask body odor.
- Try Febreeze – Not just for the dog beds any more. A little spritz on your clothing and ta da, you’re fresh as a daisy. Heck, squirt the kids down with Febreeze too.
- Send out dirty clothes – Use the dry cleaners, Laundromat, Mom’s house.
- Forbid the kids to do laundry – If your kids are like mine, they throw in two shirts, pair of underwear and a sock, then hit start. A regular top loader wash machine uses around 40 gallons for a full load. High-efficiency front loaders use about 30 gallons. Keep the kids out of the laundry room.
Ways to Save Water in the Bathroom
- Pee in the shower – You just saved using 1.3 gallons of water from high efficiency toilets. Older water guzzlers use 3.5 or even 7 gallons per flush, even a bigger saving. Or follow the old saying, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down.” Enough said.
- Stop shaving – Go a la natural. Stopping shaving your face, armpits and legs in the shower, it wastes about one gallon of water. Let it all hang out. Make a fashion statement. Fear the beard.
- Use the neighbor’s bathroom – Next time you are over for dinner, use the neighbor’s bathroom as soon as you arrive and right before you leave. Remind the kids to use it too.
- Wear pull-ups – Who cares if the kids are potty trained. Adult diapers work best for those over six years old.
- Take a whore’s bath – Wash the nasty bits with hot water, a washcloth and soap.
- Shower away from home – Start using the showers at the gym, club and work.
- Bathe together – Take a couples bath or shower. You’ll save 50%.
- Bath in the pool – It’s fun for the whole family.
- Hold it – Bladder infection be damned.
- Try dry shampoo – Give your hair a break. No need to wash your locks every day. Dry shampoo is fun. Warning: Hair may resemble a powdered wig.
- Car wash – Bathe with the whole family at the car wash. Don’t forget to select a scent. Try new car or vanilla.
- Rent a cheap hotel – Until the water shortage is over, find a cheap hotel and split the cost among friends. Prepare a bath time schedule by family. Showers use 2.5 gallons per minute and baths 36 gallons. Heck, with a family of four, you might save around 60 gallons including flushing the toilet.
- Use vacant homes – Got any realtor friends?
Ways to Save Water in the Kitchen
- Drinking water – Use only bottled water. Fill up the empties at restaurants, gas stations, work and the neighbor’s house.
- Wet wipes – Excellent way to clean up nasty spills and messes without water.
- Use paper and plastic – Stop using your dishes, glasses and silverware. Save on dishwasher usage by using paper supplies and plastic utensils.
- Eat out
- Let the dog lick the dishes – It’s about time Fido carries his weight.
Ways to Save Water in the Yard
- Recycle the neighbor’s water – Capture runoff from neighbors’ landscaping with buckets. Figure out the days they are watering and be ready to catch the extra.
- Use hose attachment – Add an attachment to the neighbors hose around 2:00AM and water your property.
- Cover grass with sand. – Turn your backyard into a beach and pour sand over the entire yard. It will have that beach feeling but without water. Or trees.
- Spray paint lawn green or install artificial grass. Between materials, operational costs and labor, a 1,000 square foot artificial yard will cost you $7,760. Bargain. http://www.installitdirect.com/synthetic-turf/how-much-does-artificial-grass-cost-to-install/
Desperate times require desperate measures. Time to think outside the box. And remember, your solution to saving water may be to look no further than your next-door neighbor.
On a serious note, below are actual tips:
How to make dirty clothes smell good. http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Make-Dirty-Clothes-Smell-Good-Without-Washing
Save water 49 different ways. http://www.americanwater.com/49ways.php
Calculate you daily water usage http://water.usgs.gov/edu/sq3.html
Do you have any unique ways to save water? Drop me a comment.
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