Old age creeps up on you. One day you’re hanging out with friends till 3 a.m. at a local bar and then bam, you’re falling asleep in front of the television after dinner.
Do your friends say stupid stuff like, “Age is just a number,” and “Fifty is the new thirty.” If you’re losing hair where you want it and growing hair where you don’t, this one’s for you.
Signs You’re Getting Older
- Tell every one to turn down the radio, television, computer, and headset.
- Can’t stop talking about the weather.
- You drive through McDonalds to get an ice cream cone for the dog.
- When your body hurts, it just keeps hurting.
- Get mad at the mailman.
- Complain about the neighbors parking their car in front of your house.
- Sound like your dad when you yawn.
- Talk about your gallbladder to anyone who will give you eye contact.
- Repeat yourself.
- Don’t recognize anyone in People Magazine.
- Most the names in your address book start with Doctor.
- You actually own an address book.
- Don’t answer the phone if it’s too far away.
- Pets are your screen saver.
- Still have a landline.
- Put two spaces after a period.
- Use a selfie stick in order for the selfie to be as far away as possible from your face as possible.
- People don’t slam the door in your face.
- Rather than learn new technology, you contemplate just riding it out.
- No one calls you after 9 PM.
- Use a magnifying mirror with a light to put on makeup.
- Carry tissues in your purse.
- Auto insurance is lower but health insurance is higher.
- Own a 7-day pill organizer.
- Call your parents every day to see if they’re alive.
- You can go a week without taking pictures on your iPhone.
- Font size on your iPhone is 22 point.
- Enjoy talk radio.
- Refuse to go out after you’ve taken your bra off.
- Wear comfortable shoes.
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