My Weird Quarantine Diary – 36 Days

If you’re like me, you’ve been holed in your home for what feels like months. With my newfound time, I started a daily quarantine diary to remind me of the weird, quirky, and funny things that have happened along the way. Here’s what I noted: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cicvuEljfnE   Quarantine Diary - Week 1 Day 1 - Our grandparents were called to war. We’re being called to sit on our couch. Together we can do this. Day 2 – The dog refuses to eat dry kibble so I feed him chicken and rice, which he gobbles down. Due to shortage of chicken I’m faced with a new dilemma. If the dog starts eating chicken, then are we going to have to consider eating the dog? Day 3 –Didn’t … [Read more...]

Quarantine (Not So Useless) Survival Skills

Who would have thought I’d be so productive after 33 days of quarantine? Since March 16, I’ve organized my canned goods from small to large, watched 12 videos on how to cut my own hair and learned how to whistle with two fingers. But when I attempted to Marie Kondo my closets, I discovered it wasn’t that I didn’t have time to clean closets, it was that I didn’t want to. At this point, after four weeks of quarantine, I’m bored of myself. And I realized that I don’t know how to do a damn thing and needed to gain a few skills. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyiEIva47eA How to cut dog hair Our dog’s hypoallergenic shaggy coat soon it would be flat and matted by week six. Since the dog … [Read more...]

Funny Ways to Open an Amazon Package During Covid19

These days, we handle every Amazon delivery like Tom Cruise disarming a bomb in Mission: Impossible - Fallout. Yet, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) tell us, “Because of poor survivability of the coronaviruses on surfaces, there is likely very low risk of spread from products or packaging." Blah, blah blah. Let’s face it. Our fear of dying causes us to disregard CDC’s statement. From this point forward, we shall handle an Amazon delivery with the precision of a bomb squad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12XdkA6BdvM Step 1: Access the Situation Our Amazon delivery was due to arrive any day. With so many orders, Amazon lagged behind. No more opportunity to place an order … [Read more...]

Shelter in Place – What I Learned the First Six Days

Our first week under ‘shelter in place’ or stay-at-home stressed the importance of family and safety. I realized that at this time, all I could do to help others was to stay inside and not contribute to the spread of COVID-19. With a Bachelor’s in math and statistics, the foreseeable future seemed grim. Based on the growth of COIVD-19, our isolation would last a minimum of eight weeks, unlikely to flatten the curve before May. The virus gained strength by 30% a day. It was a bunch of nonsense to believe we’d be moving around by Easter. https://healthblog.uofmhealth.org/wellness-prevention/flattening-curve-for-covid-19-what-does-it-mean-and-how-can-you-help And I asked myself, “What … [Read more...]

Life Under Shelter in Place – The First Day

What's 'shelter in place'? Around 1:00 pm on March 16, 2020, a ‘shelter in place’ order broadcasted across seven Bay Area counties, SantaClara, Contra Costa, San Francisco, San Mateo, Alameda, Marin, and Santa Cruz. For a moment, I couldn’t process what was happening. What’s this? Quarantine? I needed to hear more. We were required to stay at home, the announcement blared across the television. Stop moving around. Until April 7. That’s 552 hours. The Mercury Newspaper put it in simple, straightforward language. Please read this Order carefully. Violation of or failure to comply with this Order is a misdemeanor punishable by fine, imprisonment, or both. (California Health and … [Read more...]

99¢ Are You Still Kidding Me? Till June 3rd!

Got laughs? Get Are You Still Kidding Me? available through June 3 for 99¢. Enjoy 45 hilarious stories and honest truths about being a mother, a wife, and just trying to navigate this crazy little thing we call life. Here's a sample of the funny stories inside Are You Still Kidding Me? BINGO Ain’t For Sissys “What do you want to do tonight?” I asked my mother as I tilted my head to the side. We go through this routine every time I visit. Finding an activity that didn’t involve eating was a difficult as the temptation challenge on the Biggest Loser. “Well, how ‘bout bowling?” my mom asked, pushing her eyeglasses up on her nose. “Nah, too boring. Any other ideas?” “Want to … [Read more...]

HOW TO ADD MORE HUMOR TO YOUR SPEAKING (AND BECOME A STAND-UP COMIC)

Months ago, Stephanie Chandler from Nonfiction Authors Association reached out to interview me for their Teleseminar series. I am privileged to share a sneak peek at my interview, TELESEMINAR: STACEY GUSTAFSON – HOW TO ADD MORE HUMOR TO YOUR SPEAKING (AND BECOME A STAND-UP COMIC). But hurry! It's available for free on May 15. EVENT DATE: MAY 15, 2019 | TIME: 10AM PT / 1PM ET https://nonfictionauthorsassociation.com/teleseminar-stacey-gustafson-how-to-add-more-humor-to-your-speaking-and-become-a-stand-up-comic/ What’s Nonfiction Authors Association (NFAA)? https://nonfictionauthorsassociation.com A vibrant educational community for aspiring and experienced writers to connect, exchange … [Read more...]

Bachelorette Show Over 50 is Coming With Age Appropriate Rules

Remember when women over 27 were considered cougars on Colton Underwood’s The Bachelor season? So that got me thinking. What if the Bachelorette show featured women over 50? Hey ABC, it’s time to allow a more mature candidate a chance to find love on the air too. By 50, women know what they want and the show can be fast-forwarded over a few weekends as long as the following age appropriate rules are met. Rules for Bachelorette Show Over 50 Absolutely No Jumping of Any Sort On the typical Bachelorette show, lots of jumping is involved on group dates. For the Bachelorette Show Over 50, there will be no skydiving, bungee jumping, cliff diving, paragliding, rock climbing, BASE-jumping, hand … [Read more...]