Dear Santa Love Mom

Stacey Gustafson

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Dear Santa,

I’ve been a good mother and wife this year. I have processed more laundry than Hop Sing Laundromat and prepared more dishes than the Cheesecake Factory. I’ve watched 69 episodes of Duck Dynasty, blended 200 smoothies, ran 2,998 errands and schlepped a basketball team to 29 tournaments. I have only a few tiny requests. Very teeny requests actually. Let me explain.

Do you mind asking my son to check his jean pockets before putting them in the dryer? Found to date: one dried garter snake, 15 lbs. of shredded paper and seven packs of gum.

Could you send the refrigerator repairman a decent pair of pants? I was subjected to hairy butt crack on nine separate occasions. That’s right, you read it correctly, NINE SERVICE APPOINTMENTS to try to fix a refrigerator. Please send me eye drops so I can see clearly again.

Can you send my mother a copy of  “Cell Phones for Dummies?” I asked her to call me when she landed at the airport. Then, I planned to swing by arrivals and pick her up. Under no circumstances did I ever say, “Call me when you land and turn off your phone so I cannot reach you again.”

Am I asking too much to spend time with my daughter? She’s been home from college for seven days and has watched 158 hours of television. She’s seen every cheesy Hallmark Christmas special, seven seasons of “How I Met Your Mother” and six seasons of “Breaking Bad.” Can you shut down Netflix? Now?

Santa, please bring me gifts with the receipts firmly attached and I promise to be nice when I open a present that is the wrong size, color or inappropriate.

And finally, please make my husband stop asking, “Where’s the scotch tape?”

With gratitude,

Mom

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About staceygustafson

Comments

  1. Great post! Loved the scotch tape request! From me, Dear Santa, please let us in the SF Bay Area burn real wood in our fireplaces! Actually, I can wait until Dec. 26 for this one. That’s the day my family will be opening presents and having dinner! Pleeeez? I’ve been pretty good…

  2. Dear Santa,
    Please eat your cookies. I’ve had way too much dessert this season.

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