Mom Fights Back at End of School Year

Stacey GustafsonA few years ago, after dropping my kids off at middle school, I met a couple of friends at Starbucks.  The conversations went something like this—

End of School Year

“So, what’d you get on your report card?” I asked, tapping a venti latte with my nails.

“Five A’s, 2B’s.  How about you?” said another mom as she checked her cell phone.

“Four A’s, one B and one C.  Took me two parent teacher meetings and a call to the principal to get the C,” I said.

“Try harder next time.”

Things have gotten so bad that we feel personally responsible for kid’s failures, always trying to resolve problems.  It’s time to stop helping so much and let them learn from the consequences of their actions.

Denial

Let me be the first to admit I help my kids way too much.  From typing lengthy, boring essays at midnight to checking tedious math homework before breakfast, I can’t stop helping.   Heck, I’ve even finished their chores and done homework assignments.

But, I am adult enough to realize that I can’t stop helping because it makes me feel needed. I’m part of the problem and it’s time to break the cycle.  Stage One, Denial.

Anger

Here’s what happened two days before the end of the school year.  My son strolled into the house after hanging out with friends and announced, “I need to turn in a Kleenex box for extra credit or I’ll get a B in class.  School’s short on supplies.”

“What!?  How did you let it come down to end?” I said, hunching my shoulders.

“I don’t know,” he said, walking away without so much as a backward glance.

After my daughter returned home from school, it was more of the same.

“I need a costume for my speech tomorrow,” she said, twirling her hair around a pencil.

“What speech?” I asked.

“I’m playing the role of Stella for A Streetcar Named Desire.”

“What does she wear?”

“I have no idea,” she said as she sauntered down the hallway.  “And I need to bring a pan of brownies to Spanish.”

My forehead wrinkled like a Chinese Shar-Pei with a mental list of all I would have to do tomorrow.  I realized that while my kids would be signing yearbooks, cleaning out old homework and making plans for the summer, I would be doing their dirty work.

Stacey GustafsonThe next morning at the Dollar Store, I grabbed a case of tissues, and thought to myself, “If one box is worth an extra point, why not get a case?”  I shoved the boxes into the car and raced to find a Stella dress. Eureka, after five stops I found a gauzy, white sleeveless dress with a tiny belt that somewhat matched the photo I downloaded from the Internet.  All that was left to do was make brownies.

But it got worse.

Two days later, my son jumped in the car and with a smile he announced, “It was too late to get extra credit.  The boxes were due yesterday.  You can keep the Kleenex.”  And my daughter’s speech was canceled.

Twenty-four hours later I’m stuck with a case of cheap tissues, a dress to return and Stage Two, Anger.

Bargaining

At Starbucks on the last day, the mood was one of general relief among the mothers.  We vowed that nextStacey Gustafson year we would do less for our kids, encourage them to be empowered.  No more last minute trips to the school to drop off missing homework or library books.  Forget about writing excuses for late passes.  Stop making last minute runs to the store for school projects.  With a high-five, we declared enough was enough.

Stage Three, Bargaining.

Acceptance

But the buzzing of my cell phone broke the jubilant mood.

“Hey, Mom.  I left the brownies at home. Could you just run it up to school?  Class starts in ten minutes.”

Stacey Gustafson“Sorry, I’m too busy,” I said with a puff of my cheeks and a shoulder shrug.

“But, what do I tell my class?” she pleaded.

“Tell them you forgot.  Gotta go,” I said and just like that I hung up.  I’ve arrived at Stage Four, Acceptance.

I decided to eat the brownies.  They tasted delicious!

STELLA!

Do you have any stories to share about the last day of school? 

 

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Comments

  1. OMG, I just read a mini-bio of myself in your post!!! AACK! I have been doing this forever and my son is 19 (freshman at a local j.c.) and my daughter is 14 (a freshman in high school). I won’t give examples of the stuff I’ve done because they mimic you to a T and I don’t know what to say. I’ve felt “needed” for 19 years and the feeling is a good one though I can get frustrated and feel “used” often. Geez, what IS my problem? I just drove my son to work last night and his place of employment he can walk to in 10 minutes or ride a bike in 3!!! My daughter forgot to bring something for the pot luck this morning and in the middle of me reading your post I was going to text her and rush something over to school. Then I finished reading your post and said to myself, “No, you’re NOT doing that.” Wow….
    Patti

  2. Stacey!!! Stacey!!! Stacey! You’ve nailed the Tri-Valley moms. I must admit I wished I helped my kids more on their projects, but maybe it served them well that I didn’t….they knew way more than I did:)

  3. Lani Longshore says

    Savor every morsel of those brownies, and remember how good it tasted. That’ll help you get through the next round of “Mom, I need you to . . . ” because trust me it never stops.

    • The new me. “Mom, do you know where my shoes are?” “No.” “Where are the scissors?” “No idea.” And on and on. The new me is saving hours one minute at a time.

  4. You truly are Every Mom. That’s what makes your humor so delicious.

  5. Great information. Lucky me I ran across your website
    by accident (stumbleupon). I have book marked it for later!

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