Reasons I Hate Marie Kondo and You Should Too

By now, you’ve heard of Marie Kondo and her decluttering techniques. She’s perfected the art of tidying up and I hate her. She’s everywhere, bookstores, television, YouTube, Instagram, touting her own version of tidying up, which focuses on thanking your trash before you throw it away.

What?!?

She’s forced Americans to rethink everything we’ve ever thought about clutter. But don’t let her charming personality fool you one bit. Behind that happy, smiley face, I sense a smug attitude. She’s out to make you feel like crap about your lifestyle. Marie Kondo, you think you’ve figured out how to bring Americans joy? Think again.

Who is Marie Kondo?

According to her site, https://konmari.com/pages/about, Marie Kondo is a tidying expert, best-selling author, star of Netflix’s hit show, “Tidying Up With Marie Kondo,” and founder of KonMari Media, Inc. Enchanted with organizing since her childhood, Marie began her tidying consultant business as a 19-year-old university student in Tokyo. Today, Marie is a renowned tidying expert helping people around the world to transform their cluttered homes into spaces of serenity and inspiration.

What is the KonMari Method?

The KonMari Method™ encourages tidying by category – not by location – beginning with clothes, then moving on to books, papers, komono (miscellaneous items), and, finally, sentimental items. Keep only those things that speak to the heart, and discard items that no longer spark joy. Thank them for their service – then let them go.

Thanks to Marie Kondo, Salvation Army, Goodwill and consignment stores bulge with contributions and can barely keep up with the inventory. It’s even named the “Marie Kondo Effect.” She’s created an epidemic of old books, used clothes and unflattering furniture, all due to her “does this spark joy movement.”

https://www.today.com/home/marie-kondo-effect-thrift-stores-nationwide-see-uptick-donations-t146810

I thought I did a pretty decent job of dumping my clutter until a friend administered a “Quick Marie Kondo Quiz.” I scored the highest in the group. In hindsight, she awarded me a cute infuser for my score. Probably should have gone to the person with lowest points. But what the hay, I’ll take it.

Quick Marie Kondo Quiz

Give yourself 5 points for each question you answer yes.

1. Are you unable to park your car in at least one garage?

2.   Do you have more than one closet with your clothes?

3.     Do you store stuff under the bed?

4.     Do you have a junk drawer?

5.     Do you hide crap in the trunk of your car?

6.     Do you still own DVDs?

7.     Did you save more than 30 books?

8.     Do you still have make-up from when George H. W. Bush was president?

I scored 40 points. The next highest score was 20! 20! Liars! I really had no idea I had a problem. I never even considered myself messy.

Does this spark joy?

Sorry Marie Kondo, I don’t have time for perfect rows of socks and t-shirts stacked like their own filing system. Folding clothes does not make me happy. Since when does everything in life need to spark joy?

Sometimes I get joy from wearing my holey college sweatshirt and reminiscing about the “good times.” What if my old clothes come back in style? Who’s the fool now Marie Kondo?

Owning enough books to rival a local library gives me comfort when I need to find a recipe for avocado toast, reread The Art of Racing in the Rain or reference Webster’s Rhyming Dictionary. I guess you’d have me trash my old Archie comic book collection too?

Notice how we never see a picture of her home. That can’t be an accident.

Gotta go, Marie Kondo. Off to Goodwill to stock up on great finds.

 28 Hilarious “Tidying Up With Marie Kondo” Jokes
https://www.buzzfeed.com/caseyrackham/tidying-up-with-marie-kondo…

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Comments

  1. Thanks for turning this new American obsession into some good laughs! I haven’t watched Marie in action yet, and from what I’ve heard, I’m not planning to. I thought I hated Martha Stewart until Marie came along! I’ll take Martha any day!

  2. Right on! I am so with you. However, her method of folding undies and tshirts changed my opinion about the utility of her methods. However, these things do not spark joy. They just give me more room for all the stuff I already have! and intend to keep.

  3. I scored high on that quiz, too! I’m with you–the Kondo method is depressing. Great column.

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