How to Rewrap Christmas Gifts

As Christmas barreled towards me like a supernova, my armpits got as sweaty as the Shoe Bomber going through customs.  My fear, receiving a present that I despised and having to fake my approval.  Opening a gaily-wrapped box with yards of ribbon heightened my anxiety to Code Red. Last Christmas, my family watched with baited breath and I tried to camouflage my true feelings. “Oh, thanks.  What is it?” I said. “It’s that thing you asked for,” said my son. I didn’t have a clue if this was something I had wanted as a gift.  I understand that I’m difficult to buy for at birthdays and holidays.  I don’t wear a lot of jewelry.  I have bottles and bottles of perfume on my bureau … [Read more...]

No Santa, No Way

Details were sketchy, but within moments, on the eve of Christmas Day, Santa was history and our daughter was ticked. That evening, unwrapped packages and children’s toys were scattered throughout the living room and the memory of Christmas started to fade.  I cleaned up the silver tinsel and crumpled wrapping paper and Dad offered to tuck the kids into bed. “Goodnight little ones,” I said with big hugs and kisses.  “Santa was very good to you this year.” Off to bed they crawled but suddenly across the house should appear, an earsplitting cry, a sob, and a tear?  Our daughter shouted, “This can’t be true!  I just found out there is no Santa.  It says right here,” she cried, pointing … [Read more...]

It’s a Wonderful Kiosk Christmas

On the sixth day of Christmas, the mall gave to me, six angry sales teams, five new languages, four aroma pillows, three tubs of sea salt, two hair straighteners, and a partridge in a pear tree. As the refrain from “The Twelve Days of Christmas” echoes through my head, I wander the mall avoiding eye contact with kiosk employees. Who hasn’t been stopped midstream by perky cell phone employees begging, “try our service” or “switch today”? Who hasn’t had fragrant lotion squeezed onto their hands while taking cover from flying helicopters or tiny, motorized cars zipping around their feet? But while I tried to avoid their seduction, the magnetic attraction is too strong. Companies like … [Read more...]

Listen Up! I’m on the Feisty Side of Fifty Radio Show, Dec. 13 at 9:00 am

Check it out.  I am honored to have the opportunity to discuss Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Woman on the Feisty Side of Fifty radio show. Mary Eileen Williams will broadcast the show on Blog Talk Radio, Thursday, Dec. 13 at 9:00am - 9:15am. We feisty gals love stories that are hip, modern, fun, and even daring… so look no further! Not Your Mother’s Book on Being a Woman is a new anthology for the new century. No sad or sappy stories here—these are wild and crazy tales of the joys and challenges of full-fledged womanhood. The publisher, Dahlynn McKowen, and contributing author, Stacey Gustafson, are joining us to share all about this bodacious book. You’ll want to be certain … [Read more...]

Kapow! The Sound of Models Falling Down on the Catwalk!

I can’t help it.  I enjoy watching models tumble on the catwalk.  It makes me smile.  After a Google search on “models falling” I discovered that 6,830,000 web sites agree with me.  We can’t get enough. I think the biggest reason I’m tickled pink when models fall is due to the haughty way they launch themselves down the runway.  It’s like they’re saying to the world, “Look at me, I’m tall and can walk in a straight line.” Congratulations, you strutted 28 feet! Take off those Jimmy Choo's And Gisele Bündchen, if you want our respect, take off those ridiculous Jimmy Choo’s!  Don’t you care that a generation of under 20-somethings will have a lifetime of bunions, arthritis, … [Read more...]

A Thanksgiving Day Plea On Behalf of Mom

Happy Thanksgiving Day!  By now, like Sleeping Beauty, my family is waking from a deep slumber, wiping the crust from their eyes as they stumble into the kitchen in search of coffee.  I bet it’s about 10:00 a.m. and they’re starting to wonder, “Where’s Mom?”  Well, surprise, I have three words, “At the movies.”  I have decided to take the day off. I’m exhausted by the thought of another Thanksgiving Day, spent in the scullery, sweating it out like Bikram Yoga.  Enough with hot ovens, boiling pots and disgusting turkey giblets already.  I’m Getting My Movie On, sitting in a comfy chair, hogging a whole box of popcorn and a large Diet Coke.  Ha ha! Now don’t get me wrong, I love each … [Read more...]

Book Release of Not Your Mother’s Book…On Being a Woman

Thanks to my friends who came out to support me last night at Towne Center Books for the release of Not Your Mother’s Book…On Being a Woman.  I answered questions regarding being a columnist for the Pleasanton Patch, “Are You Kidding Me?” Also, I had the opportunity to read my article, “Hair Gone Wild,” regarding my high school obsession with the Farrah Fawcett hair cut.  Mary Eileen Williams from Lafayette had the crowd in stitches with her story “Stirred, Not Shaken” about her dressing-room experience realizing that being a sexy older woman is much better than being a teenager any day. Dahlynn McKowen, NYMB Series Creator, discussed the ways to become published in the books, with … [Read more...]

Hot Sicilian Causes Gallbladder Attack

My love for a hot Sicilian started off innocently enough.  But one thing led to another and a one-night stand became the beginning of a passionate affair.  What started as sweet desire ended in extraordinary pain.  I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how this happened to a happily married stay-at-home mom. Pursuing my dream of becoming a newspaper columnist, I sought an opportunity to see my name in print and signed up to be a cookbook critic.   Pizza cookbooks drew me into their pages, tantalizing me with cheesy delights. Slinging pizza dough high in the air, Chef Emeril Lagasse had nothing over me.  Homemade spicy marinara sauces simmered on the stovetop, crushed red pepper flakes … [Read more...]