Shut the Hell Up I’m Taking a Nap

Shut the Hell Up I'm Taking a Nap Stacey GustafsonEver wonder if there’s a surefire way to get your kids off the couch fast? Or move your husband? Just say you’re going to take a nap. All hell breaks loose.

Let me start at the beginning. We enjoyed eating at Vic’s All Star Kitchen on Saturday mornings. Nothing beat a big stack of hotcakes, thick smoky bacon, side of hash browns and a plate of toast to induce a coma later in the day. By noon, I could barely move much less keep my eyes opened.

I said to my family, “I’ll be upstairs. Taking a nap.”

Time To Ask Friends Over

“Okay. Can I have some friends over?” my daughter asked, bolting off the sofa and stuffing a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

“Talk to your dad. I’ll be in my room with the door shut. Try to keep it down.”

Ten nanoseconds passed. My husband yelled from the bottom of the stairs, “Remember guys. Be quiet. Mom’s sleeping.”

Attempting to sleep here!

After years of trying to get my son to try piano and violin lessons, he tapped his way from the kitchen, up the staircase, down the hallway and into his room with a pair of drumsticks that had been MIA for four years. Click, clack. My eyes fluttered opened like a moth around a porch light.

Don’t Forget the Dog

Not to be excluded, our dog, Stanley expressed his displeasure regarding my nap as well. He sniffed under the door and catapulted his 20 pound body forward. Ping. He gave me a smug look as the door burst free, routed in the blankets and staked out a comfortable spot at the end of the bed.

“Buddy, if you’re quiet, I’ll let you stay,” I said, hopping up to shut the door.

What’s that? Faint rustling of feet came from the staircase. Big man feet. Like a stalker, he paused, hesitated and then ever so slowly, turned the knob on the double doors. Kabong! Doors burst free. With a shuffle of sock feet, my husband whispered, “Don’t worry. It’s just me. I’ll be done in a second and out of here.”

Yeah, right.

After using the toenail clippers and electric razor, he stomped out of the room, pulled the doors shut and yelled downstairs to my daughter, “I’m on my way!”

Still Taking a Nap

I drifted off for a couple of minutes. From outside the opened window, I detected the whine of a chainsaw and the distinct smell of gasoline. When I married my husband, he was not a lumberjack. But Paul Bunyan decided to do a little light remodeling in the backyard. Now.

Oh, come on.

I popped up in bed, blinking like crazy. Out the window I spied a saw. And a tree. Timber. Next up, I watched as he reinstalled loose fence panels with a hammer. Bam, bam, buzzzzz. When finished, with a flourish he let out a big whistle for the kids to join him and admire his workmanship.

By that point, the dog couldn’t contain himself. He charged the open window and jumped up and down to get a peek at the commotion. Ruff, ruff, growl.

Finally, I stuck my head out the window and said, “Hey!”

“Mom, did you get a good nap? Come on out.”

Yeah, a full five minutes.

“Look what Dad just did. Isn’t it great?”

“Looks fine. I’m coming.”

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I’m going to sack out on the couch. Quietest place in the house.

Is your family incredibly loud? Share your funniest story!

Are You Kidding Me? Book Release Sept 2014 - Stacey GustafsonOfficial Book Release

Are You Kidding Me? My Life with an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives is available on Amazon and ebooks. It’s filled with stories you’ve never read on my blog, like the time I called SWAT on my neighbor or faked a heart attack in church. Hoping to make you laugh one story at a time. Get your copy now!!
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  1. Hilarious, Stacey and so true!

    • staceygustafson says

      Especially on the weekends, I have a noisy bunch. But if you bring out the power tools, someone might get hurt.

  2. Don’t hate me because my son plays in the basement, my husband doesn’t do any household project, and my dog loves to take naps even more than I do. 😉

    • staceygustafson says

      Cheers to kids playing quietly in the basement. In earthquake country, we miss out. My dog is a pretty good snoozer when the rest of the family is gone.

  3. Oh, my Kingdom for a good uninterrupted nap! If it’s not the kids shouting, it’s the three dogs barking. Maybe headphones with nature sounds playing is the only solution!

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