Who the Hell is Joyce Newman Scott?

Ever hate a person you’ve never even met? For me that was Joyce Ann Newman Scott. My plans to stay at the Marriott in Dayton, Ohio for the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop last week fell apart. I was stuck at a Holiday Inn, 10 miles away, referred to by the attendees as the “Kids’ Table.” “Got to worm my way into the Marriot. It’s right across the street from all the action,” I thought to myself. I struck gold when I received this email. “Hi, my name is Terri. My friend said you are looking for a roommate. Still interested?” she asked. Bingo, my lucky day. Roommate Wanted: Must Not Snore “Sure,” I emailed. “As long as you don’t snore, grind your teeth or have night frights, it’s … [Read more...]

Erma Bombeck Stand-Up Comedy

I'm doing stand-up comedy at the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop this Saturday. I received an email from the conference that 18 of the 40 attendees were selected. I'm trying to get over the jitters as we speak. This year there are 350 attendees plus speakers. Back by popular demand, I decided my skit would be "To The Woman Who Fondled My Breast." I made a few revisions below. I will be doing three different voices: my own, my thoughts and the female technician. I hope I can keep it all straight. Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop on April 10-12, 2014* The Bombeck Workshop is the only one in the country devoted to both humor and human interest writing. Through the workshop, the University of … [Read more...]

April Fool’s Day Ain’t For Amateurs

One thing I know for certain, the key to a successful April Fool’s Day prank involves knowing your victims’ routine.  Amateurs need not apply. Our friend, Scott, told my husband and me that his wife hit a deer on a country back road driving home from the work.  We quizzed him for all the details in order to set the trap. Then we asked him to make sure Casey answered the phone the next day. The Prank “Mrs. S, this is Officer Smedley with the Fulton County Police,” said my husband over the telephone in his best impersonation of a southern accent.  “I understand you hit a deer yesterday on U.S. Route 19 around 7:00 p.m.” “Um, yes,” said Casey, clearing her throat. She sounds as … [Read more...]

I’m Featured on Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop

It's a great privilege to be featured on Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop this week. In addition to showcasing different humorous authors, this site provides advice for writers, author interviews, markets and contests. One of my favorite sections is called, "Erma Says." “Do you know what depression is? It's sitting in your doctor's examination room. In a paper dress. On a cold table. And it's the high spot of your week.” (from "Dumpy Paper Dress--March 31, 1977," which appears in Forever Erma) Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop The Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop will be held at the University of Dayton on April 10-12. Guess who's going? That's right! I was one of the first 350 to snag a … [Read more...]

To the Woman Who Fondled My Breast

Today a strange woman fondled my breast. She trapped me in an awkward position, manhandled my boobs, and called me cruel names.  And for a while I tolerated her poor treatment. Breast Exam I was getting a breast exam. If you’re like me, you postpone getting an annual mammogram for as long as possible. It hurts.  But that little voice in your head keeps nagging, “Get it over with. It won’t be so bad this time.” At Mercy Healthcare, an assistant carrying a clipboard led me into the changing area and instructed me to strip to the waist, put on a flimsy gown and wait for the technician. Moments later, a stocky lady with mousey brown hair yelled, “Next.” That’s me. Torture … [Read more...]

I Auditioned Listen To Your Mother Show San Francisco

I was invited to audition for “Listen to Your Mother” show on Saturday, March 1 at Fort Mason Center in San Francisco based on my writing and storytelling. At the audition, I read “A Training Opportunity,” a humorous short story about my daughter growing up and purchasing her first AAA training bra.   Listen To Your Mother Website Listen to Your Mother (LTYM) is a national series of original live readings shared locally on stages in 32 cities and globally via social media aimed to support motherhood creatively through artistic expression. The mission of each LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER production is to take the audience on a well-crafted journey that celebrates and validates mothering … [Read more...]

Written Across the Genres Anthology Released East Bay Feb 25

I am thrilled to be published in Written Across the Genres, a new anthology edited by Julaina Kleist-Corwin, local creative writing instructor. On February 25, contributing authors read from the anthology that includes works from published writers, adult students, and even a local rapper. Poetry, prose, and excerpts from longer works in a variety of genres were presented at Towne Center Books in Pleasanton. Endorsed by Barbara Santos, San Francisco Writers Conference Marketing Director, “Written Across the Genres is a great book to curl up with and, like any good anthology, it is filled with bite-sized gems your can read anywhere when you have a few quite moments.” Join in the fun … [Read more...]

How to Write Funny

So, you need a few tips on how to write funny? No one knows exactly what makes a person laugh but I do know a couple of writing tricks to guarantee a giggle. First, I hunt in books, newspapers and the Internet for curious words and clever phrases. Then, I use my collection to enrich my writing and keep it fresh. Here are a few examples of my word anthology: Onomatopoeia Pronounced (on-o-mat-o-pee-a): noun. The naming of a thing or action by a vocal imitation of the sound associated with it (as buzz, hiss) Remember the classic 1960s Batman and Robin TV show?  The fight scenes were filled with delicious words like Zoink, Bam, Zap, Whammm and Krunch. Onomatopoeia will add a snap, crackle, … [Read more...]