Don’t Lick the Minivan Book Release

My friend and fellow blogger, Leanne Shirtliffe, has released a new book, Don’t Lick the Minivan and Other Things I Never Thought I’d Say To My Kids (Skyhorse, May 2013). This is the first time I’ve ever called someone a friend that I have never met.  I’ve been following her blog for months and attended her webinar, How To Write Funny (Er): 10 Humor Techniques for Writers of Fiction and Nonfiction.  I feel like I know her now! Leanne asked me to be part of her Don’t Lick the Minivan book release, or the DLM Street Team. I was fortunate to get an advance copy of her book and wanted to share it with you. Her humor hits the spot for the mom trying to please everyone, with very little … [Read more...]

Meet Gretchen McNeil, Young Adult Author Possess

Gretchen McNeil was the guest speaker at the Tri-Valley Writers Club meeting on May 18.  She offered writing tips and insight into the publishing world that were invaluable.  Her upbeat attitude and boundless energy invigorated me to get back down to the business of writing my novel. More on Gretchen McNeil She’s an opera singer, clown, and writer. She has written the Young Adult horror POSSESS about a teen exorcist which debuted in 2011. Her follow up,TEN was released in 2012, and her third novel 3:59 is scheduled for fall of this year.  She is currently working on a Young Adult mystery/suspense series Don’t Get Mad, which will begin in 2014. Find out more about Gretchen at … [Read more...]

God Damned Disrespectful Teens Make Me Angry

Guest Blogger, Don Mills, contributed this article. Read more about Don below. Disrespectful Teens The problem with young people today is that they have no respect for their elders. Back when I was a sprog we were expected to be polite, respectful and afraid of old people. We said “please” and “thank you” and would never have dared to call an adult by their Christian name. But these uppity youngsters today have no respect. They give you sass, lip, guff, guff lip, lip sass, sass lip and generally behave in a way that makes it unsafe for us older folks to venture outside of our homes for fear of teenage mockery, robbery, stupidity or worse. Call Adults By First Name But what really … [Read more...]

What Women Really Want For Mother’s Day

It's Mother's Day Is it a complete mystery what women really want for Mother's Day?  My day was always big bust and I was too exhausted to endure it again.  This Mother's Day I came up with a brilliant idea. Two days before the big event, I prepared my answer to the question,  “What do you want for Mother’s Day?” “Nothing,” I said. “Come on, we have to get you something.  What do you want?” “Nothing.  I want a day filled with nothing.  No fighting.  No laundry.  No cooking.  No TV,” I said. “You’re just saying that.  You’d be mad if we don’t get you a gift.” “Nope.  This is what I really want.” “No way.  That’s too hard.  Just let us get you a gift.” I stood my … [Read more...]

4 Signs of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (AADD)

Do I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder? Growing up in the 70s, no one was diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. Instead we were labeled disruptive, excitable, loud, and annoying.  Teachers complained that we shouted out in class and couldn’t sit still.  Our parents called us moody and useless.  We probably had something more like ADLBD (Attention Deficit Lazy Butt Disorder).  Now, the spectrum for ADD includes adults. Here are the 4 signs I may have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (AADD).  You be the judge. #1 Difficulty Getting Organized If clutter on your desk is an indication of being disorganized, I’m guilty as charged.  At this point, it’s necessary to push aside desk debris in order to … [Read more...]

Bright Lights, Insults, Gel Manicures At Nail Salon

My local nail salon is like a Turkish bazaar; people speak different languages, laughter, and loud voices surrounded by blaring music and bright lights.  Nail polish bottles, Post-it notes, glossy posters, and banners with price lists of various nail services cover all available wall space.  It’s a great place for an early morning wake-up call and a gel manicure. Within moments of entering the salon, a man wearing a white mask rushed up and pushed me into the nearest vinyl chair.  A tiny lady with a pink apron approached and said, “Do you want a mani-pedi?” “Ummm…I want a gel manicure,” I said picking at a fingernail. “Go pick a color,” she said and thrusted me towards an endless … [Read more...]

6 Signs You’re Middle-Aged

Middle-age creeps up on you as fast as diarrhea spreads on a cruise ship. I wanted to deny the signs but you can’t ignore the math. If you multiply your age by two and the answer’s greater than 90, you’re middle-aged.  Here are the 6 signs you're middle-aged: Do Not Recognize Celebrities I can only recognize 20% of the celebrities in People Magazine, television, and the Internet.  Instead, the stars of my youth are on the cover of AARP Magazine like David Cassidy, Harrison Ford, Dennis Quaid and Valerie Bertinelli.  Yeash, they look bad! Lose Glasses Looking for my reading glasses is an hourly occurrence.  It’s a perpetual game of hide and seek that I keep winning because one pair is … [Read more...]

Funny Fortune Cookies You Must Read

Really?  Do you enjoy that dry, tasteless fortune cookie after Chinese take-out or do you just want to read the free fortune and lucky numbers?  This week I had a chance to create two bags of custom fortune cookies.  I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to collect some of the funniest and share them with you.   Funny Fortune Cookies You seek to find meaning from a little slip of paper inside a cookie. You are gullible. The fortune you seek is in another cookie. Help!  I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery. Confucius say:  The road to riches is paved with homework. That wasn’t chicken. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the … [Read more...]